Hipster Olympics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAO4EVMlpwM (can't get this to embed...:( )

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Once upon a time I tried to define the word "hipster" to my Korean friend, Jihyun. I couldn't really make it work but I wish I had this video then.

Tonight I am missing these places and these people

Do I love the place or the people in that place?

and in news of the bizarre....

I think I just got punched in the gut by Korea. No, literally. I was walking on the street at approximately 8:30 pm after purchasing some ttakboekki and illegal DVD's when an old Korean man walking toward me reached out his hand and punched me in the gut. And kept on walking. Being bumped into is a daily, nay hourly occurance in these parts and I don't even think twice about it anymore (watch out America) but this was definitely a straight up, no bones about it, PUNCH.

I've been reading a book called "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert which is a memoir of her travels through Italy, India and Indonesia. I'm only at the beginning of the book, but I've read enough to already be sick of her incessant gushing about her undying love for Italy...the seemingly day to day beauty and non-stop glamour that infuses itself into the core of her life, such that even paying the electric bill is a priviledge in dear, darling ITALY. I'm at the edge of my seat to see what going to the bathroom in Italy will ellicit.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic. And yes it is with good reason. This book that hovers near travelogue pornography is making it very very apparent to me that I do NOT feel the same way about Korea. My sarcasm is simply a mask for my true feelings of confusion and jealousy. Why don't I love Korea that way? Why am I not having an orgasmic experience every time I walk down the street and see old women hacking open pig heads and selling them to me? Lest you think I'm being flippant, I will reveal to you my secret concern: I am using Korea. For the money. For the experience. For the dot on my facebook "Where have I been?" map. I don't love you, Korea. Not yet anyway.

And other people DO love Korea in that all consumming way, so it must be possible. Lumina is leaving in 6 months and she's desperately trying to figure out how to do it without breaking her heart. Other foreigners I've met leave and come back, transfixed by this place like a co-dependent lover. Perhaps I will get there and I just haven't found my touchstone yet? I've done everything I know how to do to make it happen and there ARE signs of it's eventuality. I have found many amazing Korean friends who teach me everything about the culture. I have immersed myself in the food and find that I CRAVE gochujong. In fact, it feels a bit unnatural to use a fork when perfectly good chopsticks are available.

But don't you see? That's what makes what happened tonight so maddening and bizarre. I'm trying. I'm here. I'm learning your language. Yes, I stand inches above everyone on the bus. And yes, you can't miss my "yellow" hair that screams, FOREIGNER!!!! like a suburban kid at a concert in the early 80's. But I'm working on falling in love here; you could at least wait to punch me after we've had a true falling out.

You wouldn't understand...

It's a korea thing. Waterbottle Leiderhosen = near vomitous laughter on the KTX.

PS. more proof that I am a long haired girl...this is me with a hard earned lime for my erstwhile Diet Coke. What I didn't realize when this sentimental picture was taken was that I would soon forsake the drink that I have loved for so long. It was time. I was squirreling away coke zero bottles for the sabbath and waking up with the thought "where can I get a diet coke today?". I've been off the juice for over a week now and I'm feeling really good about it.

Pictures of the amazingly fabulous birthday party to come.

Can We Talk?

Life is good. Korea is good. I am going to Hong Kong at the end of September and next year, I will probably travel to Japan and China, maybe even Thailand and Singapore. Somewhere, beyond my wildest expectations, I have become a girl who has a passport with more than a few stamps. And when I am done living in Asia, I have a world of opportunity open to me...grad school? sure! Rockstardom? If I want to try. European vacation? Probably. And yet, I'm jealous of my friend who has a house and a husband and a baby and a refrigerator full of vegan food for her diet.

Those of you who have known me for a while, understand that I try really hard to always be excited about the process of life...it's different for all of us and each variation has positives and negatives. I get this. I'm not dumb enough to believe that my friend's life is everything she wishes it was. And I am happy with my variation most of the time. I get to teach art to beautiful little people. I have amazing friends from college, mission and adulthood and have developed strong friendship bonds with my family. I make enough money to live comfortably and I am striving to live sustainably which makes me happy. I have a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ that fuels my passions and constantly guides me toward choosing a higher existence.

It has been a year since my last serious relationship though. Luckily, I realized halfway through the last year that I have been "emotionally unavailable" and so have been working really hard to re-open myself to the possibilities. I'm putting it out to the universe that I am ready for a deeper level of connection in my life. I'm ready to sacrafice more and give more and care about myself less. I'm ready to be vulnerable, write songs about love and get hurt if it's necessary. I am ready to know someone else and to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with it. I'm choosing this now.

Dear Origami

I'm just not that into you. I can't explain it except to say...fold fold fold and bird. big whoop. Yes, I live in Asia. And no, I still don't enjoy following blueprints in my spare time. I'm sure your hungry bats and intricate folded dollar hearts are great fun for someone, but it can't be me. I'm not the one.

Come On Come ON Let's go....

TO SHA SHA CAMP! ah ha! you thought that title was some cool punk song from the 80's or something didn't you? oh no. it's the never ending soundtrack to my life for three days of my summer break. I'm not really sure what I smoking when I signed up to teach at a summer camp during my precious free time, but the results look something like this...

That's counselor dan. He's really excited to greet the parents as they enter the gates of the miniature castle school that we taught at. I don't have any pictures at the moment of the tiny campus, complete with tiny sinks, tiny toilet stalls and tiny chaise lounges...but suffice it to say that it was tiny. Tiny and freakish. Freakishly tiny and freakishly disturbing.

Actually Daniel and D'Arcy, the visiting camp counselors from America (and sibling/friend of my friend Emily) saved the experience. We were fast friends and I honestly couldn't have asked for funnier, better cohorts. I got to seem really cool and well versed in Korean culture and language and they got to experience spaghetti that looked like spaghetti but was actually... spaghetti in BBQ sauce. I think it was a pretty fair trade.

We took some very funny pictures of the trip home on the KTX (the french train that goes like 150 miles and hour and gets you to Busan in 2/3 the time it would take on a traditional train) and laughed so hard that I almost threw up (no joke).

Since no summer vacation is really complete without an amusement park, Daniel and I went to Eb ah land uh (that's Everland if you're translating) on Friday and had too much fun at this funny Korean version of Disneyland. We got there just in time for the Summer Splash Festival in which Russian water nymphs (seriously, amusement park entertainers shipped in from Russia and nary a Korean in the act) shooting at us with large firefighter pressure hoses and singing delightful songs in Korean. From the webpage:

"The biggest thing to see from the festival is the "Splash Parade" that uses 20-tons of water that is something different from anywhere in Korea including Everland. Splash Parade has the idea from splash where it uses the water that the guests are directly under the massive amount of water."

Doesn't this family look like it's having a blast???? Evidently the russian water nymphs spray acid, because they hand out protective clothing akin to that worn at a nuclear reactor meltdown...

ahhhh Korea!

I jumped right into the action but D stood back a little and was able to comment that he had never seen so many soaking wet, crying, traumatized children in one place ... And then there was America Land...a big tribute to all things american including apparently, easy women (all the drawings were of large-breasted, come-hither eyed ladies of the evening), fatty fast foods (the only eating place was burger barn or something like that)` and the suburbs (moms in high heels pushing baby strollers?).

Ebahlanduh signaled the end of all that is good and wonderful about being a teacher. Here in Korea, the summer break lasts ONE WEEK. sigh. Monday it was back to work and I've been in a bit of a rotten funk ever since. Partially it's because I really loved hanging out with Daniel and D'Arcy...they reminded me so much of home and all my friends...they live in SLC too, so if you don't know them, you should try. Partially I am in a funk because I am trying to turn 30 at the end of this month. It's going to happen regardless, but I'm really trying to do it in a way that won't freak me out. I think all that over the hill stuff is outdated...30 really is the new 20, but I'm surprised to find that I'm still a little weirded out by the prospect of leaving my 20's. Meh.

Can you believe it's been a year since Australia? So wild.

Deliciousness. Weirdness. Embarrassness.

DELICIOUSNESS: I've found my favorite. It's called Dalkkalbi 닭갈비 (which means literally chicken ribs) and it's spicy and delicious and they give you these little aprons to wear... Lumina caught me in a total state of Koreaness...hand covering my mouth while I talk on the cell phone during dinner while someone is cooking our food at the table. The only problem is that my clothes match...



WEIRDNESS:

I'm acquiring a really nice collection of funny english t-shirts which I will bring to America to give as gifts to my friends who will find them amusing. One is all about Treedom (also known as freedom) and the other is all about Crossdressing. This one, "Let's play naked twister, Linda" has been my favorite so far, but I just couldn't spend more than 10 dollars for a gag

And finally, EMBARRASSNESS: I wrote this little story for an email to a friend, but I've since decided to share it for the good of the people... The more you know....

Last night I had a run in with a korean toilet seat that was kind of embarrassing/amusing. They have these crazy "do it all" robotic toilet seats that warm themselves and wash themselves and squirt water in all kinds of places...and I have never figured out how to flush it without going manual...so last night in the restaurant, I decided to try...BAD idea. After I was all done with everything (re: pants pulled up) I pushed a pink button that looked like it should flush something and watched with wonder as this little tube come out like a robotic arm. My wide-eyed intrigue was replaced with wide-eyed terror as the robotic arm started to shoot water up and out of the toilet in a steady stream that first soaked the entire back of my pants and then hit the toilet stall door and dripped down all over the floor. In a moment of panic, I did the only thing I thought I could...I put the toilet seat down, but the squirting tube didn't stop and all it did was create a fountain explosion from inside the bowl. I thought I heard someone outside the bathroom stall say something about raining(which in retrospect was probably not real since everyone was korean), and I started to laugh in that sort of embarrassed, "holy crap what do I do now? This is insanity." way...

Deciding that no one needed a 5 minute bidet experience to feel truly clean, I began to wonder if there was another button that I was supposed to hit to make the water stop...and there was. I then tried to inconspicuously mop the floor with toilet paper and dry off my pants a bit and after a short but fervent prayer that no one would notice the pee-looking water stains on my pants, I emerged a new woman, unceremoniously initiated into the world of the Korean Toilet Seat.

Makin' Hippies

Well, it's fieldtrip time again and this month we thought we would teach the kids a little bit about a nice little slice of alternative culture...we took them to a natural fabric dying co-op. I didn't really know what to expect, but was really pleasantly surprised, not only by the fact that this little guy, we'll call him T, sat absolutely and completely still during the entire bus ride...

but also by the actual coolness of the place. It had all the charm of an old commune full of people chomping on organic, home grown vegetables and washing their clothes in the stream combined with the weirdness of Korea... This is our host who told the kids in English to call him Uncle Jonas. If I forced to pick a Western hippy name, I think Jonas is a pretty good bet.

And these are the fruits of our labor. Bandanas. Soaked in all kinds of roots and flower extracts and beautifully diverse. The kids had lots of fun sticking their hands in the dye and I'm sure their parents are going to LOVE the splotches of yellow, red and blue all over their clothes. Why they didn't give us little smocks, I will never know.

This is one of my favorite students. She did the babushka thing all by herself and with her cute missing teeth, she reminds me of an ajuma. When I have kids, I will pray night and day that they are 1/2 as cool as this grinning little imp. I don't know WHY I am drawn to the overly dramatic ones???? Ahhhhhhhhh. This is my interpreter, "I" with his artwork on his head. This kid is so amazing. He can't stop talking and playing, so I asked him to be my interpreter when Uncle Jonas was talking. He concentrated so hard and did such a good job of telling me what was going on that I kind of wished all of our classes required translation...then maybe he could keep himself out of Time Out for the full 45 minutes. I'm learning that it's a real challenge to teach to each child....especially the gifted ones. Maybe that's why I spent the bulk of my lunchtimes in Jr. High in detention???? naw.....

Making organic ttak (boiled rice cakes) that evidently have some sort of green root in them. I was grateful that they boiled them at high temperatures since the kids manhandled them before I was forced to eat them for snack that day. mmmmmmmmmm...boiled green roots and rice snacks! Eat em up!

So the fieldtrip was fun and though I came home utterly exhausted as I am wont to do after herding children all day, I was really grateful when I walked in the door...

My house smelled like LILIES!!!! That's because I was able to buy 2 bunches of my favorite flowers for 6,000 won (= 6-7 bucks US). Add that to the delightful green hanging plant that I bought for 5 bucks last saturday and I think you can see that I am finally feeling settled. Plants to kill and flowers that I bought for myself. Life is so good.

PS. please note that Yo on which the plant is sitting...that is a bed for guests who may or may not ever visit me in korea...If that doesn't entice you to come see me, may I interest you in some organic bandana tiedying???

Magical Things

The 7th Hahdee pahtah (that's korean for Harry Potter) is upon us...I don't have it yet, but soon soon I will know what happens...and I'll be honest, I'm not adverse to just reading the synopsis online as soon as the world's best speed reader gets 'er done. Don't get me wrong, I still heart harry, I mean, I've been with him for 6 books, 5 movies, several blog entries and a few overnight work shift...it's just that I might be having that sort of ennui that comes with something ending. You know how you get annoyed with everyone you know right before you move so that you don't have to be sad about the end....yeah...that sort of psychological thingy.

In honor of HP, I thought I would tell you about two magical things in my life:

1. I made a tornado in a bottle! When I was a young and impressionable student, science never thrilled me, but now that I've rediscovered my inner geek (and since I am doing science on a level closer to my understanding) I'm so excited to teach it and learn all about tornados in coke bottles. woo hoo! Bring on the punnet squares!

2. I AM officially A LONG HAIRED GIRL!!!! This is truly magic. Now comes the hard part...trying not to cut it. Itchy Itchy scissor finger...

Am I the only one???

Does anyone else get anxious for no good reason? As though my body is warning me of some impending (or concurrent) event that my head has yet to wrap itself around. It's not like an anxiety ATTACK perse...just a sort of nervousness that has no explanation. Maybe this is unique to me but it still sucks.

Just Another Boring Sunday Night

Really, I shouldn't be allowed to stay in my house longer than the eight hours I require for sleep. Last sunday I blew every fuse in the building and was without electricity(and air conditioning) just long enough for me to eat all of the beef jerky out of my food storage (it's always the first to go in a state of emergency). This Sunday, I bonked my head on the open cabinet door and sustained a bloody wound. The fact that I leave cabinet doors open while cooking pancakes will not come as a surprise to anyone who knows me well...especially Crystal and Alie who were the self-appointed "follow up safety and cleaning crew" in various apartments around the U.S. What might be surprising is the calmness with which I handled said trauma.

I fell to the floor, cradled my head while cursing the designers of THIS CABINET DOOR and tried to imagine the meeting in which this torture device was approved for manufacture. "I have an idea! Let's make it metal, with a sharp razor-like edge and put it in a tiny space like a kitchenette in Korea...surely, it will be the toast of Asia!!!" I would also like to point out with some irony that the cabinet door is the one emblazoned with the virtuous words, "Patience" and "Balance" neither of which were present when I muttered more than a few other CHOICE words at the cabinet.

When I saw the blood, I calmly got a towel and applied it to my head, got some shoes (choosing the brown sparkly ones just in case I had to go to the hospital) and went to Cherie and Regan's apartment to have them look at the top of my head which is surprisingly difficult to view even with 2 mirrors. The funny part is that my hair just kind of looked like I tried to dye it...fresh blood on blond hair looks strikingly sassy instead of gruesome.



We determined no emergency room was necessary but as I sit hear writing and nerdily blogging about my stupidity and subsequent brain damage, I have a massive headache. Maybe next week, I can start a fire just to keep it interesting.

ps. Lumina said this post should be called "Ninny Gets A Headwound" and while it made me laugh it reminded me too much of this SNL skit from when I was a teenager called
Massive Headwound Harry...does anyone else remember this HILARIOUS skit circa 1989?

Committment Issues

This coming weekend is the Mud Festival somewhere in Korea. I was supposed to go. I reserved a spot on the bus, I paid my money, I told the primary president that I would be gone for the whole weekend...and then I decided to read the David O. Mackay Relief Society Manual and guess who's totally mormon and NOT going to the Mud Festival now?????

Here's the thing. When I was in college, a band that I really really really wanted to see was coming to Philly and playing on a Sunday night. A boy that I really really really wanted to makeout with wanted to go to the show too and we planned to go together. I'm not so into math but still the equation was compelling...rockshow + beautiful man = Bliss. But something didn't feel right. I believe in God and I believe that Sunday is the sabbath day...a day to do God things and sacrafice your own desires in order to completely dedicate yourself to the things that really matter, like service and family and thoughtful worship and study. The beautiful man was also religious and when we talked about it, he left it to me to make the decision to go or not to go to the show. Somewhere from deep inside, I mustered the strength to say ONE TIME, "OK, then let's not go." and that's when it started. We didn't go and subsequently, I have missed many an amazing event, show, makeout in the name of "keeping the sabbath day holy".

The mud festival is an organized weekend trip with a schedule and such. Evidently, we take a bus and we flop in the mud and eat food and hang out on the beach and come back sunday night. Everyone who has ever gone has the coolest photos and talks about how fun it is. The festival in and of itself is not the problem...it's the fact that I will miss church and be rolling around in dirt with half naked boys (sigh.) when I am supposed to be taking the sacrament. The talk that I read by the prophet was very straight forward and I felt something when he advised us that keeping the sabbath holy was not just about NOT doing things but also about being where we should be on sunday, like church. Of course, we will not be able to go to church every sunday during our lives, but I felt this time it was preventable and that maybe I should find another way to go to the festival and come home saturday night. Turns out that wasn't so possible...and so, Lumina and I cancelled (she needed to work on painting).

THe truth? I was actually kind of annoyed at myself for thinking about NOT going...I mean, how religious AM I? and honestly, does being mormon and committing to it require me to give up all semblence of rockstardom? Am I doomed to be milquetoasty, boring, unexperienced and lame? And the reality hit me: I care more about God things than mudfestivals and maybe just maybe somewhere along the line of my spiritual progression, I am going to stop caring about celebrity gossip and fashion magazines and pop culture and my hair all in the name of growth. Ok, probably not about the hair, but maybe...just maybe...

The Truth

What I miss about the Mother Land:

1. Going to Maren's house and drinking all of her Diet Coke (before she went through that "Diet Rite" and "Fruity Crappy Diet Dr. Pepper" phase...really Maren, was it any better than the brown goodness of the true drink?)

2. Going to Liz's house and eating all of her cheese and chocolate cake. That's cheese. and cake. not cheese cake although that would have been nice too.

3. Going to Maren's with Aliah when Maren is in Texas and Drinking all of her Diet Coke while convincing Puddles that he is not Maren's REAL child.

4. Staying home with Crystal and spying on the neighbors and watching Arrested Development when we are supposed to be sleeping.

5. My family.

6. Taco salad shells and real ranch dressing.

7. Jeff stopping by my work and dancing in the street in front of the Governor's Mansion.

8. walking barefoot in grass.

9. Going to Target on a Friday night and being able to try on clothes that don't cut off your circulation because the arm holes are made for women who drink Corn Water.

10. Singing loudly in my car. Crying in my car. Praying out loud in my car. Driving by myself in my car. Really any kind of transportation not of the mass kind...

11. Fountain sodypop and large candy aisles.

12. Relief Society in the Ensign 7th Ward and the Gatherings

13. Lava Hot Springs and my girls. Hell. I don't think it will ever be that kind of good again.


What I am grateful for in KOREA:

1. Shrimp with eyeballs sink to the bottom of my soup bowl making it easier to eat the top of the soup without restraint.

2. City energy.

3. Opportunities to share the gospel without having to do SLC damage control.

4. Survival Korean Text Book and Very Cool Language Exchange partners/friends (majayo.)

5. I am surrounded by more children that I ever thought possible and I love them more than I thought possible.

6.Cleaning a 100 square foot cubicle/apartment takes one hour instead of one day and having a shower/bathroom takes multitasking to a whole new level....

7. There is a temple 4 subway stops away!

8. It's ok to wear whatever you want. NOt so sure that those pants match that shirt? NO worries! Wear it anyway. And throw in those shoes that don't go with anything ever...you're in Korea!

9. Constant grist for the mill of my soul.

10. People! People! People! thrown together by circumstance and choosing to love.

Thank Goodness Koreans Buy Things in Bulk

And so you see, nothing has REALLY changed. I still squander away my Saturdays joyfully wandering the aisles of Costco purchasing things in bulk; tampons to last 6 months, tortillas to last one year, cheese to last one...day. And I still top off my bulk foods purchases with a chicken bake and diet coke. You can take the girl out of America but you can't take the Costco out of the girl...or something like that.