I should be home finishing the dregs of my latest highland romance novel, but I'm still at work. Hence the title of this blog. So what?you say. Lots of people stay late at work on a friday...
YES I KNOW, but this is ME we're talking about and *I* am not a late at work on friday kind of girl...well at least I didn't used to be. But now I have a grown up job (or at least the semblence of one) and I am almost 28. ALMOST 28 which is like, practically, almost 30!!!!!! Do you know what this means???? I am like already almost 1/3* dead. So I've decided to stay late at work in order to stop thinking about the fact that I have already used up 5 of my 15 ride tickets at the carnival. I don't know why I think editing essays and sending out emails to volunteers is going to help my state of mind...obviously it hasn't really because here I am blogging about it all...
Anyway, I tried to convert to 28 shortly after my last birthday in preparation. I am mormon and although I wasn't willing to admit it then, I think I realized that moving into my late 20's and still being single was going to be a little traumatic. Early conversion was my only hope. IF I could get over the 28 hump before it actually happened, then I could just party like it was 2005 when the time came and not worry about what I was or wasn't. But I'm here to tell you that it doesn't work. I'm still feverish about August 25th. I'm still trying to hold it back, make it stay, wish it away. I don't know what I really want out of my 28th year, but what I don't want is for it to bring me closer to 29 and then 30 and 40 and then 50 and then....ahhhhhh......
I'm not really afraid of the future. I just can't see it and that's what makes me crazy. So I'm staying late at work on a friday...the only possible solution for staving off the end of another day which signifies the end of another week which means one year closer to pureed spinach and old people breath. I promise...eventually I will go home...eventually.
*assumes that I live to 70...in reality I could be 1/2 dead and not even realize it!
Friday, July 29, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
Blog BLog BLOG...
it sounds like something my stomach does when I've eaten too much dairy and broccoli.
The thing is...I actually have a real journal...like the kind you use ink in and turn pages and stuff. I've had one since I was 12 and write in it pretty regularly, so I'm just not that into the dougie howser-ishness of this blog. I suppose it gives me an opportunity to publicly air my grievances, and it's like the 21st century version of Confessional Poetry, but I'm starting to wonder 1. whether I NEED to publicly say ANYTHING and 2. if I do need to publicly say something, is this blog even the place to say it...? I don't read any other blogs and I don't expect people to ever read this blog.
hmmm...so maybe I keep coming back to it because I'm bored at work and secretely I hope that someday someone is going to give a crap. Maybe I should suppliment my blog with some paid air time on NPR or something. And now, I have sullied my blog with a self-conscious rant about blogs...this is just great. just great.
In other news: I've been having some trouble focusing at work lately. I would rather be at home reading the OUtlander series (scottish highland historical romance fall through time dirty 18th century druid sex) eating baked cheetos in my airconditioning than writing emails to people that make me crazy. So I will settle for eating baked cheetos at my desk and carelessly wiping my cheese fingers on the keyboard as I write blog entries for no apparent reason. Viva la Friday.
The thing is...I actually have a real journal...like the kind you use ink in and turn pages and stuff. I've had one since I was 12 and write in it pretty regularly, so I'm just not that into the dougie howser-ishness of this blog. I suppose it gives me an opportunity to publicly air my grievances, and it's like the 21st century version of Confessional Poetry, but I'm starting to wonder 1. whether I NEED to publicly say ANYTHING and 2. if I do need to publicly say something, is this blog even the place to say it...? I don't read any other blogs and I don't expect people to ever read this blog.
hmmm...so maybe I keep coming back to it because I'm bored at work and secretely I hope that someday someone is going to give a crap. Maybe I should suppliment my blog with some paid air time on NPR or something. And now, I have sullied my blog with a self-conscious rant about blogs...this is just great. just great.
In other news: I've been having some trouble focusing at work lately. I would rather be at home reading the OUtlander series (scottish highland historical romance fall through time dirty 18th century druid sex) eating baked cheetos in my airconditioning than writing emails to people that make me crazy. So I will settle for eating baked cheetos at my desk and carelessly wiping my cheese fingers on the keyboard as I write blog entries for no apparent reason. Viva la Friday.
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