Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Here's How Tired I Am...

I can't wake up in the mornings.
I can't concentrate on anything longer than 5 minutes.
I have a headache all the time.
I almost crashed my stupid car like 8 times this week, thus cementing my status as the 2nd worst driver in Utah.
I am mean to every person who works at department stores except that one cool lady at dillards who tried on the new shoes I accidently bought.
I accidently buy shoes.
I fall asleep in movies that I really enjoy.
I can't read my scriptures or say a prayer that lasts longer than 10.2 seconds.
Walking is a task beyond me and I'm thinking of acquiring a rascal as a walking replacement.
I almost dislike my job which normally I like.
I get parking tickets because I am just too tired to go put money in the meter.
I eat frozen dinners at 9:30 at night because I am too tired to cook and really too tired to eat, but damnit I paid in advance for weight watchers and I WILL succeed.
I honestly think Diet Coke is water.
I honestly think water is Diet Coke.
I don't even want to go to the library to pick up book 4 of my naughty highland romance series.
wiping down the counter is too much work.
Dishes are piling up and getting kind of smelly and I just don't give a ....well, you get it.
I can't even be nice to small children.

This is how tired I am.

I AM SO TIRED.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Hello McFly?????Anybody Home????

Yes, I admit it. This post is completely gratuitous and all about me. Do you read this blog regularly? PLEASE POST A COMMENT to let me know. It can be anonymous!!!! I don't know if anyone is reading and I know it shouldn't make a difference, but I just got to thinkin' that it would be nice to know if I'm babbling to myself. If no one is reading this, I will continue anyway. It's a good writing exercise and seeing as how I ain't in the mood to write no poetry right now, I'll keep up the faux personal essays contained here-in. But if you are reading, give a girl a holla.

Friday, August 19, 2005

I have the pox

I've got a disease (well, maybe not a DISEASE so much as a temporary condition). It's called Iritis and lest you think that I made it up, google it...it's real! I know it's real because it makes my left eye feel like small cocktail swords are being poked into the retina everytime I look ANYWHERE. This is especially torturous when I look at the sun.

So I've been banished by the eye doctor (The real kind, not the eyeglasses guy) to the confines of my home which is currently being refered to as the BAT CAVE. I can not go outside during daylight hours until the heavy steroids start to do their magic. If I do, my left eye will get all puffy and start to water like my goldfish just died and I will be gripped with the sort of sharp shooting pain headache that only ex-boyfriends deserve. Ok, maybe the mandate to stay inside is my own interpretation of the doctors orders, but the pain part is true. My only salvation for the next two days is a pair of cataract sunglasses. You know, the kind that old men and women wear over their bi-focals after visiting the eye doctor? Yep, I have a pair. I can't wear my contacts for at least 3 more days and if I want to drive without hitting someone in a crosswalk, I'll have to donn the glasses once more. I did it once to get home this morning, and I promise you I will do it again if necessary. I finished book three of the Outlander series with one eye shut and I just completed the first disc of season one of "Six Feet Under" so I'm getting a little stircrazy. I can only calculate the weight watchers points on all my food items so many times before I get REALLY REALLY BORED.

To make it all worse, my roommate is at Lake Powell this weekend and I am home alone. Alone with the Iritis. Me and the Iritis. And I'm not talking to it because it's making me miss the Salt Lake County Fair. I suppose things will get better at some point this weekend. I will probably have to venture out to go to church. God will not let Iritis be an adequate excuse for my spiritual delinquency...cramps, yes...iritis, no. I may try to walk to blockbuster after the sun goes down...I think I should rent a vampire movie. It might comfort me to know that I am not alone in this.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

The effect of other people's weddings on MY vacation time

This weekend will mark the second of three weddings that require the use of my precious vacation time. I am flying to Washington DC tomorrow morning and staying through monday to celebrate the wedding of a girl I taught while I was a missionary in Virginia. In november I'm headed to philadelphia to sing a stevie wonder song at another wedding. When this is all done, I will have NO VACATION LEFT. Not even one day to lounge about in my pajamas with my hair shooting out all over my unwashed head in some sick imitation of a mohawk while I watch 16 candles and day dream about being independently wealthy and never having to work again.

I shouldn't complain, this is the first time that I have ever had paid vacation...and THREE weeks of it to boot...but it just feels wrong when other people are planning their carribean cruises and week-long camping extravaganza's and I am browsing bridal registries and practicing my "so-very-happy-for-the-both-of-you" face.

All I have to say is that there had better be some serious karma when I finally tie the knot. I'm thinking a kitchenaid mixer or a new ipod. Don't come to the wedding...I'll let you have your vacation, just send me something expensive instead. (ok, obviously, this is not the way I really feel...please come to my hypothetical (re: mystical) wedding. By that time we'll all be in our late 80's anyway and you should be able to get some sort of senior discount and every day will be a vacation!)

Monday, August 08, 2005

What I did on my summer vacation by Ninny Beth

Last summer was my first in Utah and despite the abounding options for recreation, I can't remember a single thing I did. I'm not really sure how any entire summer passed by me without ONE summer type memory, but I determined that this year would be different. So this weekend I went camping. Granted, there are some of you who think that my type of camping (tent, moderate electricity, 100 other people singing karaoke in the pavilion) is not really camping, but I don't care...I had a blast, ended up with only a mild case of hypothermia from the glacial lake and a touch of a sunburn on my nose.

Here's what I've done to rectify last summer's patheticly indoor experience: I've had two cases of severe sunburn, at least 3 very itchy bug bites and donned my new bathing suit 3 times now. I've almost died 2 times by water and once by excessive crowds at the farmers market. I've eaten fresh fruit, bought something looking like tacos from a street vendor and acquired a large bruise on my arm from paddling a canoe under duress. I've played my guitar around a campfire and I've gazed at the stars in the Uintah mountains. I've layed on a blanket reading a book during my lunch hour enjoying the juxtaposition of extreme airconditioning in my office and the real heat of the noon day sun. I've eaten outside at the Gateway, watching the crowds and pointing out poor fashion choices with my girls. I've gone to hot dog parties and various other cook outs and have had picnics at Liberty park. I've stayed up way too late just because the moon wasn't out yet and I've acquired a flashlight. THIS IS SUMMER, PEOPLE!!!!!

Next up, Lagoon and a Kiss Your Summer Goodbye party which will, true to it's moniker, involve summer lovin' and summer flings...two indespensable parts of the season. I think I'm in love. Watch for the baby coming next spring. It's sure to look like Salt Lake City with a touch of the mountains.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Death by Splenda

I can't get enough diet coke. I want to drink it every day, all day.

And I hate everyone.

I wonder if splenda is rotting my brain...or at least the part of my brain that allows me to love. I would blame it on the man who has been playing me for the last year and oh...3 months...but that doesn't make sense because I've been played before and have still been able to like people. It must be the splenda. or aspertame. or whatever else it is in DC that eats acid off car motors...

Ok, really, I'm not that angry. Hurt, yes...but if there is one thing that will remain my trademark through YET another disappointment it is OPTIMISM. I believe that you men are good inherently. I believe that men want long term committed, kind, honest relationships. I believe that even though we are all broken in our specific and perfect ways, we are still capable of accomplishing connections that last...as long as the foundation is the Savior. Being broken is not an excuse to treat people poorly. It should be an impetus to seek a higher level of kindness, beauty and goodness. I refuse to allow my negative experiences to taint my journey with anger and bitterness.

Maybe the diet coke is my salve. Fake sweetners and contrived bubbles to lighten my weary soul (wow, that was like, totally like, deep). Probably it's just a caffeine addiction, but whatever...at this point it's something to look forward to in my day. And it reminds me that it's the little things that really give us hope.

Thank you Diet Coke (specifically cherry diet coke and lime diet coke...you've always been there for me!)