Monday, September 20, 2010

This Paper Moth Belongs to A Long and Brown Girl

oh oh.... because once I was a poet. Once I wrote and wrote and wrote not because I needed to find the hole in your argument or because it was due, but because once there were words that meant 200 different things in one syllable. And trumpets. There were words that were trumpets. Once I was a poet. But now I am a just a grave digger, an un-tangler of necklaces stuck in your casket....but sometimes people and their art make me alive to words this:


A Paper Moth

Sunday, September 19, 2010


I have so many things to write about...I keep this list of topics for the blog...dutifully take pictures when I do something cool...and then promptly never write about it. Remember when you thought that NB moving to Provo and attending BYU was going to provide endless humorous anecdotes?

Ugh. Well, the two years aren't over yet, and I will someday need somewhere to put all of the HILARIOUS flyers that I've begun collecting from the women's bathroom in the Brimhall Building...but for now, I'm going to record something kind of not funny, but still cool.

You know I didn't go to a "church" school for my undergrad right? And you know that I was called to be the Institute Council President during my senior year but then never ever went to institute, right? And of course you know that during college, my crowning religious achievement was organizing JELL-O wrestling at Valley Forge National Park, right? (no, seriously, it was awesome...a huge pool of rainbow jello and like 40 single mormons sliding around.)

But now here I am, 33 and at BYU where I am doing what many of you did years ago. I'm taking a religion class to round out my credit hours. I decided to take a Joseph Smith History class and was not disappointed when the professor turned out to be a softy with a penchant for open book quizzes and reading instead of papers. The thought did cross my mind that maybe I would learn something new about the founder of Mormonism and the man that I consider to be a modern day Prophet of God. But I think I'm getting way more than I bargained for.

You know what I thought about today? Repentence. I thought about sin. And not in that "OH, I'm going to be damned to hell" kind of way...but in that "maybe just maybe I have some unfinished business that I need to take care of if I'm going to be right with God" kind of way. And then I had a sweet prayer...the kind that reaffirms life and reminds you that you aren't alone. The kind that opens your soul and helps you to desire the things of the spirit more than you have in a long time. A prayer of repentence...and the end result is that I'm thinking about forgiveness now instead of sin.

All of this because of my Joseph Smith History class. I'm learning a lot about the prophet and his imperfections. We have to read a book of our choosing along with the other coursework, and I've chosen (probably unwisely due to the sheer length and weight of the tome) Bushman's cultural biography about JS, "Rough Stone Rolling". I like that Bushman doesn't shy away from the critics of the prophet and their theories. It's forcing me to decide if he was a charlatan or a prophet with an informed logical spirituality as I like to call it. Along with the details of his life, I'm finding application. Joseph Smith didn't go to a grove of trees to have a revelation and to see God and the Savior. Joseph Smith didn't go to a grove of trees to become a leader of a people, a standard bearer of what believers consider a restoration of religious truth. He went into the grove of trees to seek forgiveness of his sins and to be made whole as an individual. In fact, in the early days of the church's history, that was the part of the account that he relayed most often and most fervently. The other stuff, you know, that whole founder of a huge religious sect thing, was SECONDARY to his personal relationship with diety.

It's reminding me to take care. To be more connected. To believe in those things that are most important. Church governance and structure is a big deal and I believe inspired. The growth of the church is a big deal and I believe due to the truthfulness of the message. BUT, what's really important is this: One girl. On her knees. With God.

Joseph was a huge proponent of each person having a miraculous relationship with God and having big personal revelation just like him. And I believe. I believe.

Monday, September 06, 2010

My fingers will now breed love...

Today was miraculous. Please notice the sweeping light of angels bending down from heaven to guide me out of the Guitar Center doors as I leave with my prize...a Pro Series Breedlove C25 on sale for labor day. That's and easy, the way a Ninny Beth guitar should be.See as I walk carefully to Ray, a little nervous to introduce him to the new baby...I don't want him to get jealous. But it's going to be hard not to play favorites...Doreen (we think that's her name but I'm not signing anything until I know her a little longer) is rosewood and cedar with deep bass tones and a working pickup. She sounds like a choir of a million little Dolly Partons. How can you not favor that?Lest you think I suddenly got good enough with money to afford something without an insurance company, I would like to take a minute to thank my arts benefactor for the birthday present. My 33rd year will be a much better one because of you and your generosity.... xoxoxox. I will write a song about you....

And now, I can provo properly.