The underbelly of Seoul

Monday Morning. Early. Groggy from the weekend's festivities.
J and I are conversing in hushed, tired tones as we walk to the bus.
Another day. Another old man on a bicycle approaches. Everything is as it always is.
But wait. Something is very wrong. J screams and jumps back. I turn my head toward the line of her vision only to recoil in surprise with an audible, "WHAT???". The old man, driving his bike with one handed abandon has his pants unzipped and is hurriedly wrestling something back into the crotch area while muttering to himself under his breath and OH MY GOSH, did I really need to see that on a monday? We stumble giggling to the bus stop, a little unsure of what just happened, but sure of one thing: Mondays and old man fleshy flashers don't mix.

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Wednesday. I'm getting things ready for a cooking class, digging through the cabinets of the school kitchen. Everyone in the kitchen staff has gone home for the day and I have no clue where anything is. So I'm excavating and slowly finding what I need when I see something odd. A big silver bowl under the kitchen cabinets filled with what appears to be meat. That's right. meat. PORK. Right next to the mixing bowls in the cabinet under the sink which is located, ironically, next to the empty refrigerator. I start to wonder if someone forgot it there, but then I realized, no no no...that's not forgotten meat, that's tomorrow's lunch, gathering bacteria and slowly marinating in it's own botchulistic (I think I just made that word up) juices. I told on the cafeteria lady. I couldn't help myself. I have to eat this stuff and who knows how many times before this she's flirted with my destiny in that cabinet....? Needless to say, today, The girls and I are going OUT for lunch.

What's weighing YOU down?

One of my students thinks he is a dinosaur. Really. Ask him to draw a self portrait and you'll get a detailed rendering of some prehistoric beast. Depending on the day, it's a triceratops, t-rex or that one dinosaur who runs really fast and freaks me the hell out in Jurassic park. He can move like a dinosaur, make noises like a dinosaur and claw his fellow kindergarteners with the agility of a dinosaur. Many a kid has come away from an attack howling like a monkey and yelling in broken english, "T J and dinosaur and hit and scratch and no!"

Last week, we went to the Korean Folk Village for our fieldtrip. When you are herding 5 year olds around a crowded tourist destination, it's pretty imperative that everyone move quickly and keep up with the teacher. Unfortunately, Dinosaur Boy was moving at an appropriately glacial pace throughout most of the trip. The day wore on. The sun got hotter. I got tired of dragging him through crowds of gaping, photo snapping US veterans while hollering to the other kids to slow down! SLOW DOWN! So I took DB (dinosaur boy) and another offender back to the bus a bit early, leaving my co-teacher with the other perfectly behaved children. We walked slowly but surely through the park and ended up on a bench just before the entrance to wait for the rest of the school to meet us for the bus ride home.

After a tiny bit of relaxation, DB wandered away and began to nonchalantly examine a tree a short distance from our bench. I was keeping an eye on him just in case he got a burst of uncharacteristic dinosaur energy and darted away like a veloceraptor on crack. What I saw amazed me. Quietly, while pretending to be enraptured by the tree, he dug into his sweat pant pocket and dropped a rock the size of new hampshire at the base of the tree. Then, looking up furitively and noticing that I was watching, he wandered around to the other side of the tree and rid himself of another massive rock. I stood up and went to confront him. Upon closer examination, I discovered that this wasn't the end of the collection. 10 more smaller rocks, a metal key chain, some sticks and a few stickers later, his pockets were finally empty of the 4o pounds this kid was packing around the folk village. NO WONDER he was moving slowly. And of course I was trying to contain my laughter while maintaining a hardline about why it is not a good idea to bring your dinosaur habitat WITH YOU back to school. But I failed. I mean, really, how can you keep a straight face when this guy is staring up at you in abject shame and asking if he can "just keep one????"

THE CULPRIT

THE REVEAL
THE GOODS

THE CRIME SCENE

I would also just like to point out that someone taught my students the phrases, "I have no energy." and "I'm starving!" I've worked in fieldtrips before and know that these two things are a requisite refrain for any out of doors experience, but before I could blissfully ignore it when it was repeated over and over again in Korean. This time, I was very aware. So I made them act it out for the camera. Here is "I'm STARVING"

And "I have no energy."

I think my job here is done.

I Got the Shakes...

Today I've had two diet cokes, which, added to the stress and anxiety of a regional singles conference coming up this weekend, makes me more jittery than usual...I can't stop bouncing my leg and I jump at the slightest provocation. My students, the other teachers, a piece of paper.

I would also like to discuss the fact that, in order to cut down on expensive teacher gifts (like $60 MAC eyeshadows and $100 bottles of wine) from parents who may or may not have ulterior motives, the administrators at my school have advised the moms to FEED US. Yes, because it is much better to have homely, makeup-less teachers with double chins that scare the children. Just today the menu included:

3 boxes of Krispy Kreme Donuts
1 grape/chocolate cake (don't get me started. I've had chocolate fondue with cherry TOMATOES here)
12 little mini cheesecake type things
10 vitamin C drinks (for our health, hahhahahaha)
oreos
sunchips

It's 4:50pm and I'm just waiting for the late entries to vie for our attention. Who knows what tomorrow holds!

And, just to let you know, one of the seamonkeys (TM) left for dead, made a miraculous Lazarus-like recovery and now sports a wraith like body and what appear to be testicles (unless they are egg sacks..my gender awareness with seamonkeys is sorely lacking) Will we have Sea Monkey Babies? I can't find the babydaddy if that's the case, but knowing the way things go these days, she/he probably ate the mate. oh, I don't liek the word "mate".

Who You Gonna Call??? DUSTBUSTER!

I thought I was happy....and then I got a dustbuster. Now I know what true happiness is and it looks like "spot cleaning ala carte". My Korean home is so tiny that my usual habit of leaving coins (they drop and I just can't be bothered...really, do they have to be so flat and round?) and bobby pins (prom hair takes a lot of metal) all over the floor can make it look like a tornado blew through Bizwell #215. But no more. Now I just bust my dust and the world is clean again.

The funny thing is that I've never been very OCD about cleaning...but now I can't help myself. Every chance I get I'm pulling out the dustbuster to pick up anything. I drop a cracker and instead of picking it up, I step on it and grind it down JUST SO I CAN USE THE DUSTBUSTER. If this keeps up, I might need professional help.

Inspiration comes....

I haven't written a song since I got here. Finally...

To Lumina who taught Korea how to teach us.

She'll take you in and break you apart

She'll wrap her hands around your heart

You are finally safe here in this deep conviction

You are never allowed into the contradiction

Everything is simple if we just remain blind.

But when her lanterns light the sky on fire

Wrapping streets in fever pitch desire

You can finally believe

You can finally count, you can finally concede

That everything is simple; Everything is by design.

What you get and what you need

may never be reconciled

but who you are and what she sees

are perfectly aligned.

They're perfectly aligned.

Oh, Seoul.

Maybe her soul's jerusalem.

You can't figure it out, but you will learn to bow and bend.

There's a height that you've finally found

in her mountains, her oceans, her body's fertile ground.

Everything's decided. She's finally resigned.

And what you get and what you need

may never be reconciled

but who you are and what she sees

are perfectly aligned.

They're perfectly aligned.

Oh. Seoul.