Friday, October 10, 2008

words are cheap and I like a good bargain...

but seriously, "hubby"? That word is like the nasty stained underpants at the bottom of the DI bucket that you pick up accidently and then hurl across the room when you realize what it is. Don't take it! EVEN IF IT"S FREE! That stain will NOT come out. Hubby. Blech!

I can't think of a less attractive word to call the person that you've decided should be the father of your children or at least the payer of your bills.

actually, I think I should just start a comprehensive list of unapproved words here for the sake of posterity...

NOTE: while not inherently evil, each of these words use alone or together in certain contextual situations or combinations (ie. pork panties) can ignite a physical reaction that may or may not include chills, projectile vomit, explosive swearing and whimpering.

moist
ointment
boil
panty
pork
pustule
hock
cubicle (thanks alie, now it always makes me think of pubicle, and who likes the word pubicle?)
bladder
misanthropic
delve
menses
lark
mercantile (can't really watch Little House On The Prairie anymore, stupid Olsens.)
blossoming (no reference to joey lawrence and mayim bailik vehicle of the early 90's)


There's more, but I won't really remember until after I punch you. Accidently.

10 comments:

Marie said...

I'm so glad you posted this, because just the other day I was telling Liz about my special loathing for the words "moist" and "panties" and how a couple years ago my cousin had taken it upon herself to torture me by finding those two words in product packaging, cutting them out, and sending an envelope full of "moist"s and "panty"s to me, without further explanation. It was cruel (and funny). Anyway, Liz, who knows you better than any hubby ever will (and I agree hubby is an awful word that is probably a major underlying factor in the world's awful divorce rates), was spooked that you and I shared the exact same two word peeves. I wasn't so spooked -- those two words are clearly awful, and anyone who can't see that is nuts.

I also understand your dislike for "pustule," though the reason for hating that one is more obvious -- it's a word for an unpleasant thing, in addition to being an ugly word. I *don't* understand your hatred for "lark" or "misanthropic." That's just weird, Ninny.

Alie said...

I never call Tovey Hubby and will never. That's always bugged me. You know what word I also hate, crusty I think I hate pump too but I haven't made up my mind. Yuck!

Marie said...

I also hate "fresh." Especially "freshen." Maybe this is because it's so often the verb employed in condescending feminine hygiene ads? It's hard to say. I hate it on such a bone-deep level -- I'm sure it goes way back into my childhood.

lenalou said...

Buddy.

D'Arcy said...

pork loin

hoodie

Ali said...

Lumina's cousin Ali here . . . discovered your blog from hers. .. . and I must say, this is by far the FUNNIEST blog entry I have EVER read! Laugh OUT LOUD funny! Kind of unbearably, discomfort causing convulsively laughing, reading it over again funny. especially the reference to blossom and pubicle which i have no idea about the inside joke and yet it's still funnier than I can handle. Thanks for the comic relief in these hard times! Cheers! Ali

Denice said...

I sort of get this. I mean, I'm right there with you on 'hubby', but 'lark'? I love that word! I think it's exciting that you can trigger so many different reactions with different word choices. I mean watch this: 'bacon underpants' .... nothing. 'PORK PANTIES! PORK PANTIES! PORK PANTIES! PORK PANTIES!' .... that was fun.

Hey, It's Ansley said...

Hubby is only OK is you are talking about buying me Chubby Hubby ice cream. I thought you also hated nook, was that you?

Marianne & Clayton said...

I have been wanting to post about words I hate for ages! Thank you for fulfilling my heart's desire. I have a long list too. Until I get there I will now leave you with my #1 top hated disgusting word. "SLURP". (Now shuddering in involuntary spasms. Ugh.) I also hate "delicious" when not used in connection with food. "Delish" is even worse, no matter the context. Mother %$#@ing Rachel Ray!

jennifer said...

My girlfriend Julie (who you do not know) HATES the word underpants and insists that we use the word "panties" instead! Just thought you would like to know. Oh my, and I hate the word fistula! Yech! and clot and scrotum!