The Rituals of the End

I had a pretty important realization as I prepared to make my exit from DC to the land of Provo. I've been doing this forever...this leaving thing. I even have rituals that have been cultivated over the years. You've probably been part of one of my rituals and if you haven't, don't worry, I'll leave somewhere soon and you won't be spared. Here's how it goes:

1. I stop answering phone calls and text messages and email

2. I start hording bubble wrap and smallish boxes, sometimes stealing them from the amazon boxes that come to work

3. I begin organizing my memories, in shoe boxes, to be exhumed sometime in the near distant future and maybe stuck to a cork board in my new location to remind me of where I've just come from

4. I plan a concert

5. I pretend that I am crafty and stay up late into the night making handmade gifts (water color magnets, felted t-shirts, picture frames) for the people I love. Never mind that I haven't done anything of the sort the entire time I've been there...it's a gift entirely cultivated to say farewell.

6. I find a person or people in my new location to fixate on so that I can be excited about the moving on, the leaving behind, the changing

7. I stop cleaning

8. My mom comes to help me pack all my belongings into very small spaces and drive with me to where e're it is I'm going (this one doesn't apply to korea - She's too afraid of long flights)

9. I mourn the sadness by eating things, lots of things. Hopefully I'm mostly eating them with friends, but sometimes I just eat them by myself. I gain at least 5 pounds


And I did it again. Here are some pictures to prove it. Don't freak out if this looks at all familiar from the last time I left you. Its just what I do, evidently.



The Triple Threat Diva Concert. Three roommates, all musicians, all the time. I had been trying to make this concert happen since February, but it was a perfect capstone to the amazing house that I lived in. Patti Papworth, Shannon Simmons and I each performed our own songs and a couple of collaborative three part harmony songs. The highlight for me was Patti playing a drum during "Oh, Seoul". She added this whole element of Korea to the song that was missing when I play it by myself. Talk about painting a picture. Amazing. I love these girls.
> Patti sings JAZZ.
We sang, "Down in the River To Pray" by alison krauss...it was ril cool.
Patti was the drummer in the band. Do you have a crush on her? Everyone always has a crush on the drummer.
some well loved patrons of the arts.

Shannon sings ROCK and the ROLL.

My lizzie came all the way from Connecticut to be here in all her cute yellow-ness. That is true best friend.

People people everywhere. I think we fit 65 people in our living room, dining room and backyard. Although we are extremely boho, the scarves on the light fixture have a non-decorative purpose to help unusally tall people not bonk their heads on the unusually low dining room light. Obviously there has been a casualty before.

It was an amazing experience. Thanks to everyone who helped make this ritual what it was meant to be. A delicious farewell.
And I love Sang Hai Lung. I call her my old lady...emphasis on the MY. I was her lucky visiting teacher for the past year and she taught me so much about generosity and sass. Sister Lung had no front teeth and would often teach me lessons in broken english. When I broke up with SB, she was the first to console me by telling me as I cried in her living room, "He good looking man. But you better be single. Get married, is like bird in cage. Now you free. Be friend." Sang Hai came to America as a bride in an arranged marriage at 15. She worked hard at a restaurant that her husband wanted and bore 8 children, none of whom speak Chinese. She is now 80 years old and has crippling arthritis and joined the LDS church only 8 months ago. She is strong willed and determined and loves God. Its been a joy to be with her.

Here is my Ray...well packed to the hilt by my talented momma. Somehow she made my life fit and I love her for that and for much much more. It was amazing to spend so much dedicated time with her. I guess that's one blessing of being a single girl...

And of course, one final round with my roommates at Bob and Edith's...a special place where you can get pamcakes, scrapple, AND french fries. A place where no one asks questions and the homeless man who likes to come in and order lettuce is served with a smile. (please note that Patti is wearing her felted t-shirt!)

And then we drove.....

2,106 miles to be exact.

My Childhood in Food

Before I left DC, I did a little east coast touring. My mom came and we traveled to the Hometown market and then to Hazleton and Conyngham where I grew up.

This is the house that I consider my childhood home, although I realized when we went back to my "hometown" that my parents have actually lived in Portland, OR longer than we ever lived in Conyngham, PA. But this is the place where a young nerdy ninny concocted a pully system to bring books and potato chips to the top branches of the backyard tree. I can still remember the feeling of lolling on the brown carpet in the sunlight pouring through the formal living room window and the turquoise walls of my bedroom sanctuary where I had a pink telephone and the top of a bunk bed with my sister, Mo. There was Mrs. Ferrazano in the house behind us who cut pizza with scissors and paid $5 to mow her yard. The church parking lot that filled with puddles full of worms on rainy mornings - a perfect battleground for me and my brothers as we walked to the bus stop every morning on our way to Rock Glen Jr. High. This is the Valley Hi drive-inn. When I saw it, I freaked out because evidently it was somewhere important to my teenage years. The truth about the streets of the "big city" Hazelton is that it was and is a dump. But I didn't realize it as a kid...it was just the place where I grew up and the home of my friends.

You know memory is subjective, right? When I was a kid, all the richest kids seemed to be able to do all kinds of things that I NEVER got to do. Like eat icecream EVERYDAY at stewarts drive inn. This orange eyesore is right in the main strip of Conyngham (which consists of a grocery store and well...stewarts) and it features orange picnic tables and loads of shiftless youth after softball and football games. I made my mom get icecream there because I NEVER got to do it as a child (which she kindly reminded me is a falsehood. I actually had plenty of stewarts experiences).At the hometown market we ate every kind of delicious food that Pennsylvania has to offer.

Birch Beer. I don't really know what this stuff is, but you can only really get it in PA. Also, you can only really call it P.A. if you've lived there.

Whoopie Pies made by real amish ladies.

Pennsylvania pretzels. The only real pretzels.

The market was sweltering and smelled like new orleans in august. My mom likes to cool off with a little beverage.

My old young women's leader and her husband came to accompany us to the market. I was happy to show that I had overcome my painfully awkward phase and become just plain awkward (or painful...not sure which).

We bought senapes pizza and took a trip through the Gould's IGA. It was the perfect trip down memory lane and now I can safely say that I don't need to go back. Ever.

However, my family is another story. I am very aware that this time on the East Coast with my mom's extended family was a gift. My nan and pap and their scary freezer food. My crazy great aunt katie who now knows how to use predictive text because of me and sends me pictures of herself kissing her dog Bandit goodmorning. My 30 + cousins and their children, my uncles and aunts who are easy to be with not because we have anything in common but because we share something more important than interests...memories, ancestry, history, blood.

Welcome to Provo, SINGLE LADY.

Today I was looking on craigs list and saw this posting for a LOVELY MARRIED APARTMENT.
I'm not really sure what a married apartment is, but I'm happy for it. Good job, apartment! I can only suppose that just like in real life, this apartment recently took the plunge and has magically stopped being able to relate to the pathetic single apartments that dropped $50 on their wedding present only 2 months ago.


The best part about ad was the assertion that the apartment gets lots of light. And then they posted THIS PICTURE to illustrate:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Behold, the sacred grove of the Lovely Married Apartment, bathed in glorious light from above. I think I have nothing else to say about this. I keep trying, but words are not working.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR PROVO!!!!!!!