Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Weird Neighbors and Death to UPS

I'm so annoyed and it has everything to do with UPS and weird neighbors. I'm waiting for my birth certificate so I can get a passport so I can fly to australia so I can meet my internet boyfriend. I ordered it and paid extra money to have it sent "superfast". The problem is that they made me have it shipped to my home address instead of my work. And the problem with that is that my apartment is like some sort of mail fortress...if you've ever tried to send me anything larger than a postcard, you know that it rarely makes it to me...and forget a UPS package.

So I called UPS and asked them just to hold it at their customer center. Easy. Done. HAHAHAHAH RIGHT! The package was already on the truck, so they told me that the driver would attempt to deliver it and then when I wasn't home (which I wouldn't be because I have a JOB which allows me to pay extra money to have birth certificates delivered via UPS) they would put it back safe and sound at the warehouse where i could then pick it up. So I lalallala drive to the customer center only to find that the birth certificate is not there...evidently, driver lady delivered it to someone named Langley in apartment #9. WHO THE HELL IS LANGLEY IN APARTMENT #9??????? Bad enough that they willey nilley deliver the certificate that indicates that I was born to some total stranger who just happened to step out of his door yesterday at 11:20 am and say that he would sign for it...I realize that #9 is the apartment of the weird guy who sometimes knocks on my door and just stands there all weird and stoic and weird. Did I mention weird? So weird guy has proof of my existence somewhere in his apartment. For all I know, he's a paranoid schizophrenic and took the package and created a van gogh-esque paper mache replica of my head out of it which he is crushing as I type this today. Never mind the implications of that, it's really all about the fact that now I can't get my passport and I'm out $30 for a birth certificate that may never arrive.

So now, the driver, me and crystal are all knocking on #9's door to try to "recover" the package. At the risk of sounding like a pirate (which may actually be the only way I can get to australia at this point) ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!


Synergy said...

Oh I love you and your blog. If you watch Friends (and all wonderful people do) this smacks of the creepy guy upstairs. Of course they got to kill him off. If he doesn't cough up the papers, let me know. I will hatch an Olsen-twin-caper type of plot to get them back. Which will involve Mr. Langley finding his true love with the stange cafeteria lady.

Mike said...

Yeah- UPS sucks. They should refund you the cost of shipping for pulling that kind of crap.

so, uhm, you really are going to Australia? It really is just to meet a boy? He sure better be something special! While you're there you should visit places other than South Australia- especially Tasmania. Most people don't go there when they visit Australia. But it's great.