Thursday, June 15, 2006

I had a was just a moment

And in that moment, I wished that I was an introvert. This happens occasionally, kind of like a gag reflex right before I barf up way more information about my life than any normal passerby on the street should be privy to. It's like the car has started and when I'm just about to hit 200 mph, I think ...I wish I could slow down. Yeah.

Most recently, I have this fantasy: Instead of telling everyone everything about my relationship with Adam and the consequent regret that comes from inadequately communicating how I feel about him and our situation...I quietly take a second job, earn 2000 dollars quickly and quietly and quietly fly to australia to see if we quietly work out. But the truth is that nothing about me is quiet. I throw parties to announce to the world that I am taking a risk. I do it big. I say it loud and hope that I can handle any bad PR when it's all said and done. Am I an optimist because I am an extrovert or am I an extrovert because I am an optimist?

I guess it's very common to wish you were something other than what you are but that's not really the point of this blog. I like me. And on most occasions, I don't even hate that I am that girl who runs around with marshmallows stuck to her chin and chocolate on her teeth at Sarah's party saying "I just want to be loved!!!" It's the same part of my personality that makes me fall in love easily and truly and deeply. It's the same part of my personality that makes me magic. It's so deeply a part of my subconscious now that my only wish is for a little more forethought. And now, I have to go practice for the BYOIB.

OH and PS!!! Adam is going to call and thank everyone for donating to the cause. I adore him and his willingness to be a part of my madcap extroverted adventures. How does a girl get this lucky?


Anonymous said...

i'm an introvert and yet i still blab things to everyone that maybe i should keep to myself. don't worry. it's good to be who you are.

- tawnya

Kirsten J said...

I eat up all your extrovertedness. I love it and thrive on it and subscribe to it through Bloglines! And I'm sorry I was out of town for your BYOIB. Can we still make a donation?

lumina said...

Loving you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I was secret and private and discreet too...

I'm just NOT!