I hit a kid on a bike with my car today. This was 3 minutes after paying $432 for brand new tires after taking my car in for a simple tire balancing and alignment. This was shortly after waking up to what appears to be the Pink Eye Pox. This was 6 short hours after falling asleep crying.
Last weekend I watched this "motivational" video called The Secret. It's an instructional video that espouses the concept of an intelligent universe that is based on the law of attraction. In short, we live in a universe ruled by vibration. When we think positively and experience happy feelings, we are sending off positive vibrations and the universe responds by opening doors in the positive. When we are out of balance with ourselves and with our higher power (ex: feeling anger or hopelessness or despair), we send out negative vibrations which lead to more negative experiences which creates a downward spiral of negative negativeness culminating in ME MOVING UP IN THE RANKS OF WORST DRIVERS IN UTAH. I am now, thanks to The Secret, the 2nd worst driver in Utah. I can't say first, or the Secret and the universe will make it happen.
I think there is something to this, although, I think sometimes we just have a crummy morning or what have you...but today I definitely started out with the downward spiral mentality. I expected it. And boy did I get it. How do you change these days? Have you ever had a wake up with the pox day and seen it turn around through sheer positive mental prowess? I would love to hear about those times when you've made a bad day get better and what it was that flipped the switch. It will give me strength as I head to guthrie's bike shop to pay for the repairs to my victim's bike.
PS. boy on bike is uninjured. The go-cart (aka my car) is uninjured (unless you are counting the other dents from previous $550 dollar days). All is or will be well soon enough.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
12 a.m. NOT WITTY
I just got back from a party. I socialized, I flirted, I befriended, I small-talked. And now, I'm home, alone and somehow it all seems so stupid. I went out with old mission companions for dinner and they of course, wanted to know everything about Adam and Australia. Thus, an entire evening of extolling his virtues was born. Do you want to know about my trip? It was wonderful. Adam held my hand in public. He treated me like I belonged with him. He kissed me goodbye when he went to work. This is all in addition to being my very best friend for 4 months.
I don't want to go to parties. I don't want one more person to tell me that I'm doing so much better than they would be if they were in my situation. I don't want to hear that I'm a rock and that I lived life and they think I'm brave for going to Australia. The brave part comes now. The brave part is tonight when I am so alone in this house, typing it all out on my computer and wishing I didn't have to be brave and trust and believe and hope. The brave part is letting go of something that I wanted more than I've wanted just about anything.
Do you know that once when I was 16, I auditioned for the Governor's school for the performing arts? My friend Amy got accepted to the theater program and told me all about the acceptance letter. One day, at about the right time for a response, I came home and there was a brown manila envelope just as Amy described it. I screamed and ran out into the street dancing. I had been accepted. Finally after all the celebration, I opened the envelope to find that it was something for my father and not me. Not going to governor's school meant that I had to move to South Carolina with my family. It meant that I had to leave my friends sooner than I wanted and it meant that things were not going to look the way I envisioned and planned them to be.
Knowing that I have received revelation about my relationship with Adam not being "right" for marriage is one thing...learning to redirect my hopes and dreams into the unknown is another. It's life after opening the envelope to find a tax letter for your dad instead of a governor's school acceptance letter. Tonight I feel vulnerable to being swallowed up in the disappointment. I have hope but it's tiny like a pen light instead of a floodlight.
I don't want to go to parties. I don't want one more person to tell me that I'm doing so much better than they would be if they were in my situation. I don't want to hear that I'm a rock and that I lived life and they think I'm brave for going to Australia. The brave part comes now. The brave part is tonight when I am so alone in this house, typing it all out on my computer and wishing I didn't have to be brave and trust and believe and hope. The brave part is letting go of something that I wanted more than I've wanted just about anything.
Do you know that once when I was 16, I auditioned for the Governor's school for the performing arts? My friend Amy got accepted to the theater program and told me all about the acceptance letter. One day, at about the right time for a response, I came home and there was a brown manila envelope just as Amy described it. I screamed and ran out into the street dancing. I had been accepted. Finally after all the celebration, I opened the envelope to find that it was something for my father and not me. Not going to governor's school meant that I had to move to South Carolina with my family. It meant that I had to leave my friends sooner than I wanted and it meant that things were not going to look the way I envisioned and planned them to be.
Knowing that I have received revelation about my relationship with Adam not being "right" for marriage is one thing...learning to redirect my hopes and dreams into the unknown is another. It's life after opening the envelope to find a tax letter for your dad instead of a governor's school acceptance letter. Tonight I feel vulnerable to being swallowed up in the disappointment. I have hope but it's tiny like a pen light instead of a floodlight.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
How Do I LEEEEEEEEEEEEVE Without Youuuuuuuuu????!!!!
Maybe you thought this title was in homage to Adam, but it's not!!! I'm surprisingly serene these days about my Australian (although I still miss him pretty rottenly...luckily we still talk and he says he misses me, so we're even)...and after all the heartbreak of foreign summer romances, it appears that DIET COKE is really the hardest thing to let go of..(I know I ended that with a preposition, what are you, the God of Good Grammar????)
Most of you have been with me for the journey, so you know that I started weightwatchers and found out that I had arthritis about the same time last year. Well, they are both still very much a part of my life and as such, I am plagued with joint stiffness while I am plying my body with all manner of artificial sweetners and foreign chemicals. You see, if you want to go low calorie but maintain your high calorie lifestyle, you have to switch to spray butter, snackpacs with splenda, microwave popcorn, cheese that doesn't require refrigeration and frozen dinners that contain the words, "healthy and delicious" in their title. Tip: Just like men who TELL you that they are the funniest guy you'll ever meet, frozen dinners that spell it out on the box should be approached with GREAT caution.
While I was in a foreign country that doesn't have a testimony of Lean Cuisines, I came to suspect that it might NOT be the very best thing to spray your foods with a yellow half-liquid that is one molecule away from plastic in order to say, "I can't believe it's not butter". I also suspected that all those chemicals as well as the fizzy deliciousness of my diet sody pop might be contributing to my increasingly crappy finger mobility (typing with pecking fingers makes blogging so much more difficult). So last week, I began a quest to curtail highly processed foods when possible and refined sugars and artificial sweetners always. HAHAHAHAHA. HA. HA. HA.
I lasted about 4 days before going on a Diet Coke binger that would make any self-respecting DC drinker cringe. I was able to stay away from the sugar for the most part and even the splendarific pudding snacks, but damnit all to hell...it's the diet coke that gets me. You would think that the potential claw-like crone hands of arthritic pain would be enough to deter the now increasingly vertical pile of empty diet coke cans sitting on my desk. But no. Evidently, the grip of caffeinated joy is stronger than the fear of disfiguration for the likes of me.
Oh well, at least I'll be a thin pretzel-twisted 29 year old.
Most of you have been with me for the journey, so you know that I started weightwatchers and found out that I had arthritis about the same time last year. Well, they are both still very much a part of my life and as such, I am plagued with joint stiffness while I am plying my body with all manner of artificial sweetners and foreign chemicals. You see, if you want to go low calorie but maintain your high calorie lifestyle, you have to switch to spray butter, snackpacs with splenda, microwave popcorn, cheese that doesn't require refrigeration and frozen dinners that contain the words, "healthy and delicious" in their title. Tip: Just like men who TELL you that they are the funniest guy you'll ever meet, frozen dinners that spell it out on the box should be approached with GREAT caution.
While I was in a foreign country that doesn't have a testimony of Lean Cuisines, I came to suspect that it might NOT be the very best thing to spray your foods with a yellow half-liquid that is one molecule away from plastic in order to say, "I can't believe it's not butter". I also suspected that all those chemicals as well as the fizzy deliciousness of my diet sody pop might be contributing to my increasingly crappy finger mobility (typing with pecking fingers makes blogging so much more difficult). So last week, I began a quest to curtail highly processed foods when possible and refined sugars and artificial sweetners always. HAHAHAHAHA. HA. HA. HA.
I lasted about 4 days before going on a Diet Coke binger that would make any self-respecting DC drinker cringe. I was able to stay away from the sugar for the most part and even the splendarific pudding snacks, but damnit all to hell...it's the diet coke that gets me. You would think that the potential claw-like crone hands of arthritic pain would be enough to deter the now increasingly vertical pile of empty diet coke cans sitting on my desk. But no. Evidently, the grip of caffeinated joy is stronger than the fear of disfiguration for the likes of me.
Oh well, at least I'll be a thin pretzel-twisted 29 year old.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
I Don't Need Anything...Except this Ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control..
Now that I have had an International adventure, I'm inconsistantly inconsistant. Somedays I wake up ready to take on the world. Other days I wake up tearful and nostalgic. Today is a tearful, nostalgic, whiney, stare at pictures and wish I was back in Adelaide sort of day. I may not have mentioned in my last blog that things went really well with Adam, but after three weeks, we just weren't ready to make any huge decisions about our future. So we've decided to remain friends but not pursue a "relationship", especially not a long distance one. Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah!!!!
We still talk, which is really important to me because we have such a wonderful friendship, but I'm finding something interesting in this mix. You may have noticed that I didn't write in my blog very regularly during the Adam months. The truth is that I saved all my best stories for him and now here I am feeling like I have no outlet for my stories...nowhere to put them but this sad, pathetic little blog. This is what happens when you date someone and it doesn't end with that wiping brow "dodged that bullet" feeling, I suppose. You turn into Navin Johnson (Steve Martin's character in "The Jerk"). Things don't work out the way you wanted or expected and so you try to be tough...well, *I* try to be tough. Remember that scene where Navin and Marie just broke up and he's leaving and he tells her that he doesn't need anything...but then he sees the ashtray and he picks it up and says, "except this" and then proceeds to collect a bunch of junk and say that he NEEDS IT? THat's me. Most days, I am tough KaRyn, She-who-has-been-alone-before and will be just fine. But on days like today, I'm running through the house with my pants around my ankles collecting my dreams and screaming, I NEED THIS!!! I NEED THIS!!!!
I have put a 2 month limit to my wallowing. Forgive me if I go over a little bit. Adam was really amazing and I don't think you get over amazing that quickly. Maybe I'm wrong. In the meantime, if you need to find me, I'll be under the covers blowing my nose and getting mascara stains all over my new down comforter.
We still talk, which is really important to me because we have such a wonderful friendship, but I'm finding something interesting in this mix. You may have noticed that I didn't write in my blog very regularly during the Adam months. The truth is that I saved all my best stories for him and now here I am feeling like I have no outlet for my stories...nowhere to put them but this sad, pathetic little blog. This is what happens when you date someone and it doesn't end with that wiping brow "dodged that bullet" feeling, I suppose. You turn into Navin Johnson (Steve Martin's character in "The Jerk"). Things don't work out the way you wanted or expected and so you try to be tough...well, *I* try to be tough. Remember that scene where Navin and Marie just broke up and he's leaving and he tells her that he doesn't need anything...but then he sees the ashtray and he picks it up and says, "except this" and then proceeds to collect a bunch of junk and say that he NEEDS IT? THat's me. Most days, I am tough KaRyn, She-who-has-been-alone-before and will be just fine. But on days like today, I'm running through the house with my pants around my ankles collecting my dreams and screaming, I NEED THIS!!! I NEED THIS!!!!
I have put a 2 month limit to my wallowing. Forgive me if I go over a little bit. Adam was really amazing and I don't think you get over amazing that quickly. Maybe I'm wrong. In the meantime, if you need to find me, I'll be under the covers blowing my nose and getting mascara stains all over my new down comforter.
Friday, September 01, 2006
I Come From A Land Down Under: The Lists
In order to inaccurately and incompletely catalogue my experience, I've compiled some lists. I will update them as necessary if I remember more. The trip was a raging success and I had an amazing time with Adam, Hannah, Memphis and the itinerant Steve. Pictures coming soon!
Cool Stuff that I saw or heard-
I saw Ben Folds walking across the street in Adelaide!
I heard Advertisements on the radio for discount funeral parlors! They have funeral parlors called “sensible funerals” and “Funerals R Us” …ok the first one is true but it seemed to me to be a little like our “ambulance chasers”.
Aussie musicians that just haven’t made it here in the US… Missy Higgins for one. Did you know that the Di-vynals are aussie?
HOWYRGOING? A common greeting which roughly translated means, What’s up?
Doco, sporto, arvo and any other manner of words shortened by slapping an “o” onto the first syllable and giving up on the rest of the word.
I heard teenagers swearing and trying out new American phrases like, Wicked Awesome. It was really funny because you could tell that they felt a little awkward/cool like any self conscious teenager. It’s like me saying something is “heaps good” and secretly smiling to myself at the proper usage.
Cool Stuff about Australia that I didn’t know before
-Adam told me that there was a political energy in the air, but I didn’t really think it would affect me. Everytime someone found out I was American, they wanted to chat it up about George Bush and American foreign policy. I quickly learned that even though I am educated, I am really really ignorant about many of the things that our country is party to. In an effort to sound moderately intelligent in future international bush bashes, I may start to read the news.
-At one point they tried to introduce Hershey’s chocolate, Dr. Pepper, A&W rootbeer and Taco Bell to AU, but evidently Australians just weren’t ready for the waxy goodness of Hersheys and the late night legacy of Taco Bell.
-We were successful (and I was thanked profusely) at introducing McDonalds, Burger King (known as Hungry Jack) and KFC…they love themselves some fried chicken…McD’s is conveniently nicknamed Macca’s. In the Maccas, there are McCafe’s with real desserts like cheesecake and tortes. They also have an Oz Burger that contains, you guessed it, egg and beetroot.
-There is no orange cheese in Australia. Except on Cheezles. But not anywhere else… I mean, what’s so hard about adding a little food coloring to your cheese so that it looks right? Whatever.
Cool Stuff I Did
Went to an Australian Rules Football Game and cheered for the Port Adelaide Power against some other team wearing black and white. Ate australia’s version of “nachos” and watched the power lose the game by 2 points because of Adam’s Curse.
Played at an open mic at the Governor HighMarsh Hotel which is a cool Adelaide Music Venue where famous people play. I brought the pool players in from the back and won over some heckling aussie barflys. They asked me to come back the next week and I did and some guy got up from the audience and played his violin with one of my songs. It was fabulous!
Petted a kangaroo, a koala, an emu and saw dingos, wallabies, wombats and a bat eating a mouse…I get that I could see a bat eat a mouse in the US, but would it have an Australian bat accent while eating the mouse? I think not.
Took the bus into the city, handed the driver my pirate money (HUGE COINS and LOTS OF THEM) and wandered the streets of Adelaide. Had my back thumped by a quadrapalegic homeopathic medicine student in the doorway of King William Street.
Bought $3AU diet coke every day at Woolworths and sat on park benches watching the parade of Aussie Fashion at Rundle Mall. Entertained myself by imagining that all of the teenagers in their respective school uniforms hovering in tight circles were actually gangs plotting to knife one another through their pleated tartan skirts.
Tried to get noticed for my foreign accent. Sadly, no one seemed to care even though I purposely spoke more than necessary when handing the cashiers my change when purchasing tim tams. When it was acknowledged that I WAS an exotic foreigner, I got asked if was Canadian. When I asked Adam what that was all about, he told me that Canadians get offended if you assume they are from America…thus it is safer to assume Canadia and be corrected by an American.
Went Ops Shopping, AKA thrift shopping. Found lots of cool stuff including a wicked awesome copper bracelet and Brisbane footy scarf. Heaps of fun.
Checked out a casino with pokies. There was no one there as it was a Monday night and the only people there were die hard nickel gamblers. I almost got kicked out because I was wearing flip flops. Evidently you can only gamble if your toes are not exposed in Australia.
Bought food at the Central Markets, wandered through the crowds, threw money into the hat of a family performing old country songs.
Participated in criminal activity: I snuck (sneaked) into a sold out concert with Adam’s help (forging hand stamps and using old ticket stubs) only to be sadly disappointed by the crappy band called the Audrey’s. Cool name, Cool concept, poor execution. Adam and I cursed the Audrey’s for the next week for tainting our very cool break-in by being crap. Shame on you, Audreys!
Walked on the beach at night under the stars.
Saw the southern cross.
Had my 29th birthday party with the “in-laws” at which we had pasties (traditional Aussie food) and a pumkin pie which I made as a novelty and Adam adorned with cheezles and a Cabbage Patch Kid birthday candle. We told the parents that in America, you eat the pumpkin pie with cheetos on top and they bought it. I couldn’t bear to let them actually do it in the end, but we did get the picture. Oddly enough, no one was in love with pumpkin pie. That’s ok, because I wasn’t in love with pasties but we all humored each other.
THINGS I ATE
(general note: Most things in Australia appear to be things we know and love, but when you eat it, you realize that there’s somethin’ just a little bit off…)
-pies, pasties (pronounced PAHstees), sausage rolls
-pie floater (meat pie doused in split pea soup covered in tomato sauce aka ketchup)
-tim tams & tim tam slam, accompanied by MILO…delicious of all deliciousness
-crumpets
-chickenshop hamburger = double decker hamburger with egg and beetroot
-BBQ food – meat, meat and more meat
-semaphore chips with chickensalt
-various candy bars including what at first glance appeared to be a kitkat, but upon closer inspection in my mouth was still a kitkat but with different chocolate
-passionfruit , passionfruit flavored soda
-vegemite
-meat flavored potato chips
- Tons of Indian, Japanese, Lebanese
- Lamingtons (sponge cake covered in sugar and coconut…pretty good although not spectacular)
Cool Stuff that I saw or heard-
I saw Ben Folds walking across the street in Adelaide!
I heard Advertisements on the radio for discount funeral parlors! They have funeral parlors called “sensible funerals” and “Funerals R Us” …ok the first one is true but it seemed to me to be a little like our “ambulance chasers”.
Aussie musicians that just haven’t made it here in the US… Missy Higgins for one. Did you know that the Di-vynals are aussie?
HOWYRGOING? A common greeting which roughly translated means, What’s up?
Doco, sporto, arvo and any other manner of words shortened by slapping an “o” onto the first syllable and giving up on the rest of the word.
I heard teenagers swearing and trying out new American phrases like, Wicked Awesome. It was really funny because you could tell that they felt a little awkward/cool like any self conscious teenager. It’s like me saying something is “heaps good” and secretly smiling to myself at the proper usage.
Cool Stuff about Australia that I didn’t know before
-Adam told me that there was a political energy in the air, but I didn’t really think it would affect me. Everytime someone found out I was American, they wanted to chat it up about George Bush and American foreign policy. I quickly learned that even though I am educated, I am really really ignorant about many of the things that our country is party to. In an effort to sound moderately intelligent in future international bush bashes, I may start to read the news.
-At one point they tried to introduce Hershey’s chocolate, Dr. Pepper, A&W rootbeer and Taco Bell to AU, but evidently Australians just weren’t ready for the waxy goodness of Hersheys and the late night legacy of Taco Bell.
-We were successful (and I was thanked profusely) at introducing McDonalds, Burger King (known as Hungry Jack) and KFC…they love themselves some fried chicken…McD’s is conveniently nicknamed Macca’s. In the Maccas, there are McCafe’s with real desserts like cheesecake and tortes. They also have an Oz Burger that contains, you guessed it, egg and beetroot.
-There is no orange cheese in Australia. Except on Cheezles. But not anywhere else… I mean, what’s so hard about adding a little food coloring to your cheese so that it looks right? Whatever.
Cool Stuff I Did
Went to an Australian Rules Football Game and cheered for the Port Adelaide Power against some other team wearing black and white. Ate australia’s version of “nachos” and watched the power lose the game by 2 points because of Adam’s Curse.
Played at an open mic at the Governor HighMarsh Hotel which is a cool Adelaide Music Venue where famous people play. I brought the pool players in from the back and won over some heckling aussie barflys. They asked me to come back the next week and I did and some guy got up from the audience and played his violin with one of my songs. It was fabulous!
Petted a kangaroo, a koala, an emu and saw dingos, wallabies, wombats and a bat eating a mouse…I get that I could see a bat eat a mouse in the US, but would it have an Australian bat accent while eating the mouse? I think not.
Took the bus into the city, handed the driver my pirate money (HUGE COINS and LOTS OF THEM) and wandered the streets of Adelaide. Had my back thumped by a quadrapalegic homeopathic medicine student in the doorway of King William Street.
Bought $3AU diet coke every day at Woolworths and sat on park benches watching the parade of Aussie Fashion at Rundle Mall. Entertained myself by imagining that all of the teenagers in their respective school uniforms hovering in tight circles were actually gangs plotting to knife one another through their pleated tartan skirts.
Tried to get noticed for my foreign accent. Sadly, no one seemed to care even though I purposely spoke more than necessary when handing the cashiers my change when purchasing tim tams. When it was acknowledged that I WAS an exotic foreigner, I got asked if was Canadian. When I asked Adam what that was all about, he told me that Canadians get offended if you assume they are from America…thus it is safer to assume Canadia and be corrected by an American.
Went Ops Shopping, AKA thrift shopping. Found lots of cool stuff including a wicked awesome copper bracelet and Brisbane footy scarf. Heaps of fun.
Checked out a casino with pokies. There was no one there as it was a Monday night and the only people there were die hard nickel gamblers. I almost got kicked out because I was wearing flip flops. Evidently you can only gamble if your toes are not exposed in Australia.
Bought food at the Central Markets, wandered through the crowds, threw money into the hat of a family performing old country songs.
Participated in criminal activity: I snuck (sneaked) into a sold out concert with Adam’s help (forging hand stamps and using old ticket stubs) only to be sadly disappointed by the crappy band called the Audrey’s. Cool name, Cool concept, poor execution. Adam and I cursed the Audrey’s for the next week for tainting our very cool break-in by being crap. Shame on you, Audreys!
Walked on the beach at night under the stars.
Saw the southern cross.
Had my 29th birthday party with the “in-laws” at which we had pasties (traditional Aussie food) and a pumkin pie which I made as a novelty and Adam adorned with cheezles and a Cabbage Patch Kid birthday candle. We told the parents that in America, you eat the pumpkin pie with cheetos on top and they bought it. I couldn’t bear to let them actually do it in the end, but we did get the picture. Oddly enough, no one was in love with pumpkin pie. That’s ok, because I wasn’t in love with pasties but we all humored each other.
THINGS I ATE
(general note: Most things in Australia appear to be things we know and love, but when you eat it, you realize that there’s somethin’ just a little bit off…)
-pies, pasties (pronounced PAHstees), sausage rolls
-pie floater (meat pie doused in split pea soup covered in tomato sauce aka ketchup)
-tim tams & tim tam slam, accompanied by MILO…delicious of all deliciousness
-crumpets
-chickenshop hamburger = double decker hamburger with egg and beetroot
-BBQ food – meat, meat and more meat
-semaphore chips with chickensalt
-various candy bars including what at first glance appeared to be a kitkat, but upon closer inspection in my mouth was still a kitkat but with different chocolate
-passionfruit , passionfruit flavored soda
-vegemite
-meat flavored potato chips
- Tons of Indian, Japanese, Lebanese
- Lamingtons (sponge cake covered in sugar and coconut…pretty good although not spectacular)
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