Tuesday, September 19, 2006

How Do I LEEEEEEEEEEEEVE Without Youuuuuuuuu????!!!!

Maybe you thought this title was in homage to Adam, but it's not!!! I'm surprisingly serene these days about my Australian (although I still miss him pretty rottenly...luckily we still talk and he says he misses me, so we're even)...and after all the heartbreak of foreign summer romances, it appears that DIET COKE is really the hardest thing to let go of..(I know I ended that with a preposition, what are you, the God of Good Grammar????)

Most of you have been with me for the journey, so you know that I started weightwatchers and found out that I had arthritis about the same time last year. Well, they are both still very much a part of my life and as such, I am plagued with joint stiffness while I am plying my body with all manner of artificial sweetners and foreign chemicals. You see, if you want to go low calorie but maintain your high calorie lifestyle, you have to switch to spray butter, snackpacs with splenda, microwave popcorn, cheese that doesn't require refrigeration and frozen dinners that contain the words, "healthy and delicious" in their title. Tip: Just like men who TELL you that they are the funniest guy you'll ever meet, frozen dinners that spell it out on the box should be approached with GREAT caution.

While I was in a foreign country that doesn't have a testimony of Lean Cuisines, I came to suspect that it might NOT be the very best thing to spray your foods with a yellow half-liquid that is one molecule away from plastic in order to say, "I can't believe it's not butter". I also suspected that all those chemicals as well as the fizzy deliciousness of my diet sody pop might be contributing to my increasingly crappy finger mobility (typing with pecking fingers makes blogging so much more difficult). So last week, I began a quest to curtail highly processed foods when possible and refined sugars and artificial sweetners always. HAHAHAHAHA. HA. HA. HA.

I lasted about 4 days before going on a Diet Coke binger that would make any self-respecting DC drinker cringe. I was able to stay away from the sugar for the most part and even the splendarific pudding snacks, but damnit all to hell...it's the diet coke that gets me. You would think that the potential claw-like crone hands of arthritic pain would be enough to deter the now increasingly vertical pile of empty diet coke cans sitting on my desk. But no. Evidently, the grip of caffeinated joy is stronger than the fear of disfiguration for the likes of me.

Oh well, at least I'll be a thin pretzel-twisted 29 year old.


Sara McOllie said...

I am a DC junkie if I let myself. I have been trying to stay away which has been tough with the lack of sleep I have gotten lately and the ensuing need for caffeine. But, it just becomes a vicious cycle if I start drinking it as I get even less sleep which requires even more DC, and on and on it goes. But really, we all need a little vice and if that's yours, then embrace it and move on. There could be worse things.

Tamara said...

Did you see Dr. Oz this week on Oprah? He examined the food in one woman's fridge and set all the bad foods out and separated them from the "good foods." In the meantime I was downing a cookie, rice pudding, some sort of fattenting thing out of the vending machine, and the DCBCV (that I discovered because of your devoted blog about it -- I hated "diet" anything before).
Anyway, I am going through a similar phase of trying to only eat "good" foods. Plus I picked up running again. Ugh.

Ninny Beth said...

haha tamara...I think it's funny that you said you"picked up running" like it's hepatitis or pink eye...exercise is kind of like a disease though, isn't it?

benjamin said...

ninny beth, I'm very happy to be back to you fantasticly entertaining and insightful writing. I also have been away a long time. I'm actually coming to SLC today and would love to see you. My number is 208-312-3161. Give me a call and I can fill you in on all the Heiner news.

addicted said...

diet coke gets me too.
and damn those bacon egg and cheese biscuits!

Ninny Beth said...

OK. how is this for irony. I said pink eye in that comment like a year ago and then I GOT PINK EYE! Something strange is going on here. it's THE SECRET.