I would just like to state for the record that I AM STRESSED OUT. To the max. No. beyond the max. So if you are looking for me to be reasonable, forget it. If you are hoping that I will be rational, WRONG. If you think I'm being selfish, I am. If you want me to think beyond myself, I can't. Three reasons I am stressed out:
1. I am moving to Korea.
I am leaving everyone and everything I know and going to a country where I do not speak the language or eat the food. I am selling all of my stuff. I am leaving a job where I have a desk and a name and comfortable responsibility and coworkers who like my general sense of retardation. They take it in stride when I say stupid stuff. I am leaving my family and friends who at least pretend to love me and do not feel it appropriate to tell me that I am fat or have acne most of the time. This stresses me out.
2. I am moving to Korea and some damn snowboarders making a video kept me up all night.
It's true. About three weeks ago, I couldn't get into my parking spot because some enterprising young wippersnappers with pants around their ankles (which, somebody help me, pants have the goal of making the wearer's legs look positively miniature? Like midgets on purpose? AND WHAT HOLDS THEM UP? And does what holds them up hurt for the holding them up? That's all I want to know.)had built a ramp and were sliding dangerously on the ramp above my parking spot, and trying to LAND the trick on some snow they had shoveled into my spot. They were filming this so I played cool. I mean, I have a brother who was a skater and I'm down with inventive ways to make money. In the end, the snowboarding riffraff were delighted by my coolness and waddled over to thank me. They even shoveled the snow out of my spot.
What I'm not down with is waking up at 1 am to the sound of a generator chugging away and a loud voice saying 3, 2, 1 and then what sounded like a board sliding down the ramp, hitting the top of my car and then slamming into the concrete below. I must have the ears and the imagination of a bat (although I don't know what a bat's imagination is like) because immediately upon hearing that sound last night, I startled out of bed POSITIVELY sure that what I just described was happening. And DAMNIT, if my car was being used....So I rushed outside in my underpants and boots to discover that YES, they were filming and YES, they had reinforced ye old ramp, but this time they were sliding down the ramp and doing a side thingy on the wall above my car and falling (they would say "landing") on some snow next to my car. So I yell to the "photographer" DUDE, DUDE...he ignores me. So I yell louder, HEY! That finally got his attention and I screamed, "Is that my car??????" He said they weren't near my car but I would have none of it. I let him know under no uncertain terms were they to screw up my car or I was going to be.....PISSED. That's right. I mustered a big fat "PISSED". That's like threatening to kill someone with a banana. hard core. I stomped back into the house kind of annoyed that I hadn't said something angrier to the men with midget pants. BUT somehow it worked and I was finally able to sleep for like 5 hours. I don't do well on little sleep. And my car was fine in the morning.
3. I'm MOVING TO effing KOREA (did I mention that part?) and I just had mouth surgery.
Ok, so you get the whole moving thing, but I really need to reiterate that I do not handle being sick well. Come on, you and I have been together for over a year now, YOU KNOW THIS ABOUT ME. Remember iritis? yeah. So I'm a baby but being sick makes me anxious and nervous. And it adds to my general pissy, selfishness. But honestly, you're going to break up with me over that?
I need to sleep. Hopefully, barring any snowboarding incidents tonight, I will be a happier person tomorrow, far far away from the drama of today.
