Thursday, February 08, 2007

The One Blog Where I Don't Write About Anna Nicole


NO COMMENT. NO COMMENT. (that's what I'm telling all the press who keep calling and asking me what I think about the sad news of Ms. Smith's demise.)


So this is my niece, J. I've been watching her for a couple of days while I am here at my mom and dad's in portland and I have learned the reason for all desire to propagate the species:


ummmm....It's REALLY fun to make kids wear weird things and dance around all funny to entertain boring adults! With this new piece of knowledge, I plan to make my children look a little bit like bag ladies whenever possible simply for my own enjoyment. I had this really rad bib on her with this hat and crazy circus onsie and I guess my mom thought it was a bit much, but you can at least sort of get the idea. Plus she does this dance where she waves her hands around and hops up and down. Tomorrow, I'm going to see what happens when I wrap her up in a blanket and swing her around till she pukes...it was always so fun when we were kids!


OK, OK, I won't do it until she throws up....I mean it takes a lot of work to clean up applejuice vomit and now that I'm addicted to The Janice! Dickenson! Modeling! Agency! on the Oh! channel, I don't have time for such frivolity. Have you seen this show??? WE HAVE TO TALK. Now that I'm back at the rents with 200 channels of cable and no job, I've been reduced to my former transient self watching marathons of What Not To Wear and free movies on in-demand...(today's highlight: YENTL. Who knew that a young, bearded, yarmulka-wearing mandy patinkin could make this mormon girl sweat and sing along with barbra?) Anyway, I know it's gotten bad because up until today I have been secretely watching Janice ( a trashy, trashy modelling agency reality show) when I'm home with the tot during the day. But tonight, I started to get a little edgy and when faced with the choice of watching an edited version of "Something to Talk About" with the affable dennis quaid or a NEW EPISODE of Evil Evil Collagen Lipped Janice, I chose the latter. Mistake. My sister walked in the family room while I was endulging and my shame was made public and I realized that any show that you have to watch like it's porn should not be watched at all. Back to "Myth Busters" and "CSpan: BOOKATTACK!"


Actually, I think I will try to abstain from all television tomorrow. Frankly I think it's slowly killing me much like crystal light and spray butter. And besides, I really rather relish (great alliteration, no?) my high horse platform from the last three years. I need to be able to continue to say condescendingly, "Oh, no, I don't need to rush home on Monday night for a TELEVISION show. I don't really even know what you mean when you say, "Siler's Alive". I don't even HAVE television." please.

7 comments:

j said...

Thats "Sylar", and yes, he is alive and on the loose. :)

Sara McOllie said...

I think you can watch for Sylar on NBC.com for free in case you miss it on monday nights :)

Marie said...

Speaking of "shows you have to watch like they're porn" (ha!), I was roommates with a certain Ms. Asplund when that reality show "The Swan" premiered. One night it was on and we watched it in slack-jawed horror. The next week we tuned in to "mock its perverseness." And after that we were just addicted and started telling white lies about the "important thing" we had to attend to that time each week. It was really messed up in every imaginable way ("ugly ducklings never become swans by other than surgical means") and really addictive. Porn to be sure.

Hey, It's Ansley said...

Substitute "Beauty and the Geek" for Janice Dickinson and you have described my life. This is the real reason I don't have roommates, I can't have anyone knowing my secret TV choices.

Rachel said...

I think what you have described is what happens to all cable deprived people when they have nothing to do and are handed a remote. Then in our horror, we return vowing never to subscribe to cable.

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sara McOllie said...

But from what I have heard Ansley, Beauty and the Geek is at least critic approved. I watched the end of it last week for the first time. My first response was "wait, aren't the guys supposed to be geeks? I mean, they're pretty cute and not pocket protector looking types". Little did I know they looked more "geeky" at the beginning of the season.