Thursday, August 16, 2007

Can We Talk?

Life is good. Korea is good. I am going to Hong Kong at the end of September and next year, I will probably travel to Japan and China, maybe even Thailand and Singapore. Somewhere, beyond my wildest expectations, I have become a girl who has a passport with more than a few stamps. And when I am done living in Asia, I have a world of opportunity open to me...grad school? sure! Rockstardom? If I want to try. European vacation? Probably. And yet, I'm jealous of my friend who has a house and a husband and a baby and a refrigerator full of vegan food for her diet.

Those of you who have known me for a while, understand that I try really hard to always be excited about the process of life...it's different for all of us and each variation has positives and negatives. I get this. I'm not dumb enough to believe that my friend's life is everything she wishes it was. And I am happy with my variation most of the time. I get to teach art to beautiful little people. I have amazing friends from college, mission and adulthood and have developed strong friendship bonds with my family. I make enough money to live comfortably and I am striving to live sustainably which makes me happy. I have a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ that fuels my passions and constantly guides me toward choosing a higher existence.

It has been a year since my last serious relationship though. Luckily, I realized halfway through the last year that I have been "emotionally unavailable" and so have been working really hard to re-open myself to the possibilities. I'm putting it out to the universe that I am ready for a deeper level of connection in my life. I'm ready to sacrafice more and give more and care about myself less. I'm ready to be vulnerable, write songs about love and get hurt if it's necessary. I am ready to know someone else and to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with it. I'm choosing this now.

10 comments:

luminainfinite said...

I am a witness.

it's funny to me that I was sitting by you on the bench going, "We have a whole weekend to look forward to with no kids to worry about, no babysitter to pay, nothing to think about except ourselves..." and I thought I was cheering you up! ha ha.

D'Arcy said...

If you choose it, it WILL happen. What an adventure to be starting in Korea....maybe William has an older brother.

Tamara said...

i can't wait to hear more about this exciting journey! congrats on your next adventure! :)

Tamara said...

Happy Birthday Ninny!

1 fine day said...

KaRyn, this is Bonnie, Alies mom and I want to sing you "...happy happy birthday Ninny dear, happy birthday comes to you each year, if I had a wish then it would be....a happy happy birthday to you from me!" Have a wonderful birthday and remember life doesn't even really get really good till you are 50!!!!!!

lucky 7 said...

I loved this entry.

I've been thinking about you alot lately, because it's your birthday. But also because I've been listening, almost daily, to 'What If I' and missing you Sunday practicing. I hope that like Salt Lake City, you have wall sharing neighbors, who time thier showers to better hear your singing there in Seoul.
Hope the party went off splendidly.
Hugs!

Michael said...

Happy Birthday! (a day late)

Marie said...

Happy Birthday! Eat an extra seaweed cupcake for me.

SummerChild said...

Looks like I missed your birthday... but hope it was a happy one!!

We both had our last serious loves around the same time, and reading your blog, i feel like we have kind of gone through the same process. i just escaped to Europe for a month to volunteer with Chechen refugees and it was amazing, wonderful, and liberating. Finally completely done with that last one and feeling good about myself.. to the point that I am again prepared to take on the heartache because of the chance that it might bring about someone for me to take along the next time i travel.

love to the korean KaRyn.
suvi

Moonbird said...

I listened to you speak here. Thank you for sharing.

I just discovered this week that you're on my list, a most revealing list of 39 people who are like me, and whom I realized I was carrying around with me.