Friday, September 14, 2007

The Truth About the Breakup

Ever since I dumped diet coke, I've realized that there's more to say about our relationship. I want you to know that I'm suffering. I'm sitting at my desk at 2:45 pm getting ready to face a class of three overactive boys who don't listen and are, as we speak, cultivating a list of american swear words and obscene hand gestures with which to shock me. And more than anything I want to run downstairs to the ministop and hand over 1,300 won to the man behind the counter and walk out with brown liquid happiness.

Here's what diet coke does, (strike that, USED to DO) for me.

-Gave me something to look forward to in my day. Because sometimes wrangling kids or wetlands (ala TNC) just doesn't do it for you.
-Made my throat and body all tingly, like having a crush everyday but without the stress of whether he likes me or not.
-engendered creativity. What do you do when the coke is warm and there's no ice in the freezer? Why, fashion a harness and hang it outside your office window of course. Necessity is the mother of invention.
-created opportunities to flirt. The GS Mart boy is adorable when he tries to speak English. Except for the one time he used his English to tell me that my hair looked funny. That was not so adorable. Otherwise, it's worth 1300 and a caffeine buzz to shyly smile at one another.
-Kept me awake enough to blog.
-satiated my craving for something sweet while providing me with zero caloric intake. Although, now that I think about it, I think I consumed MORE chocolate when I was doing the coke. hmmmm....
-helped me to collect enough bottles to make maracas with 48 kindergarteners. That's just sad.

I'm still a diet coke drinker but I've curtailed it to once a week. We'll see how long this lasts.


Marie said...

You rigged up a Coke-chilling harness? Really? You're fabulous. My mother will be so proud of you (she's a Coke-chugging inventor, too.)

I'm sorry for your withdrawal pain. I remember going off chocolate for 9 months. Those first few weeks were a living hell. After that, I just felt superior to everyone else.

Synergy said...

I gave up the caffeine free version for baby to be. Oh, by the way. I'm having a baby NinnyBeth. Fun huh. So I switched to the "gold" can and it isn't the same. I don't crave it the same way. I ache for you in your challenge. And if or when you go back (I totally plan to) I can look forward to more odes to the good stuff. You truly write the best literature on the subject that I know of. Maybe Mr. Coke would hire you when you are done in Korea?

Emily said...

You are so funny and I wish we could hang out.
It just occurred to me that coke and chocolate really do go well together....

D'Arcy said...

I hear that before Jennifer Ansiton signed on for the Break-Up that Vince Vaughn was pulling for Diet Coke to play the role...