Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Hunger of Memory

It's historic. America elected Barack Obama and I wasn't even there to watch it unfold, to be part of the changing of the guards. I was in a classroom, writing November 5th on the blackboard and feeling like a true ex-patriot. It's a little like the 13 year old version of myself, sitting at the kitchen window, straining to see what's happening at Dawn Balliet's party across the street and trying to figure out why I wasn't cool enough to get invited. You know the worst part? This time it's all my fault. I didn't vote. I missed the deadline for the absentee ballot. I didn't register in time. I didn't cash in on my american right and by extension, I didn't become passionate about it one way or the other. I didn't learn enough about the candidates and the issues because it wasn't shoved in my face. I was lazy. I was supposed to demand entrance into that damn party at Dawn's house, and I just walked away and bought a Krispy Kreme donut in Gangnam and watched a Korean game show instead.

And now, I am totally and utterly homesick. Like the kind of homesick where I just sit and cry and hate everything about Korea. I wish I was in America right now so that I could be feeling something about this election result. ANYTHING except the sort of wishy washy ambivalence that I feel. I hate that everyone else gets to be passionately disappointed or passionately excited and I can only wonder what the news means for the falling won and my monthly money transfer. I know...I chose this. Self-imposed on many levels. You know I just really hate to miss a party.

And I miss my family. I miss my passionately political dad and his opinions that are so often at odds with my own.

So tonight, I will eat an apple, send a few emails and curl up in my bed and look forward to a rested tomorrow when I can hug a little korean kid who is speaking beautiful broken english at me. God bless America. Everyone.

4 comments:

ram said...

just make sure those kids feel the love that Obama has for all the children. All the children of the world...

Hey, It's Ansley said...

Miss you! And it was a good party but there will be more later, when you are here.

mistyb said...

Hey girl! I'm right here in the thick of it all (in DC) and, I gotta say, this democracy thing can be pretty nuts. But, to echo another person's blog, I hope everyone is prepared to work hard for the change everyone so longs for. I actually hadn't reached a decision until a few days before the election. I am completely torn. As a "good role model" that Barak is for my son, I don't agree with some of his party's stances. Anywho, I understand what you are sayin' in your post. Enjoy Korea while you're there. I'm actually jealous you are there. I've never been and want to go!

mistyb said...

Oh, sorry, I spelled Barack "Barak" but, that's kinda how I say it. I have an understanding with Bar-ACK, he knows that I like him but, that I wasn't going to vote for him. yup, just a little agreement we had....