Something feels different today. Everything feels more connected, more possible, more available, more clear. There are uncontrollable unknowns and really big change on my horizon, including a one way plane ticket dated March 25th and somehow, I don't feel anxious. Yes, there is still a buzzing halo of "what ifs?" but I don't mind them. They are melting into "yes, what if!". Will you understand me when I say that I have a constant feeling of being together though I am solidly alone in this adventure? I have been and will continue to be my whole self no matter the outcome. I belong to something bigger than questions.
I tend to live my life as though every door half open door is begging to be kicked in. I lean into it. I push with both arms outstretched, body triangled, heaving breaths. But not this time. Right here, I wait. I stand back with confidence, enjoying that uneven trickle of spring air wafting from the space between. I am whole and wholeness is rich. I can afford the wait.