Thursday, April 06, 2006

My Dog Grandpa

It is time for me to come clean. For the last couple of years, I have been telling people that I had this idea that it would be fun to name a dog "Grandpa"...for obvious reasons, chief among them the ability to yell things like:

"Grandpa, stop humping that tree!"
"Grandpa, if you don't get in this house right this minute, I'm going to bleep bleep your bleeping Grandpa bleep."
(late at night) "Grandpa! Grandpa! Where are you???"
and in a disgustingly sweet, schmoopy voice "Who's the best little poop machine in the neighborhood??? Grandpa is! Grandpa is!!!"

Sometimes I think about my fictional dog named Grandpa (fictional because if you're going to clean up feces, shouldn't it be a baby's instead of a dog's? At least the baby will someday do you the courtesy of reciprocating when you are in a nursing home.) and I laugh for like 30 minutes. It's just plain funny.

Now for the confession. I didn't actually think it up. I was telling my best friend that someone thought the grandpa dog story was funny and she asked "Did you give me credit?" and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had unduely STOLEN a story from my best friend. Is it because we are so close that what's hers has become mine and what's mine has become hers? Or is it just that I'm stealing stealer thief? I should have known that it was she who came up with something so bizarre and brilliantly funny. This is the same girl who bucked cultural mores by selling DESIGNS (not pictures, "designs") to passerby's instead of the more traditional lemonade when she was a child. I'm not kidding. The marketing was genius...who doesn't need a design??? Everyone with upholstery, wallpaper and print skirts could certainly use a design for the bargain price of 10 cents a design.

At any rate, today I'm giving credit where credit is due. SO if you know the girl of whom I speak,(hint: her name is Alie) post a little shout out to my girl...the funniest damn friend in the whole world. WE ARE FRIENDS!


Anonymous said...

Oh Nipta, finally I'm given the credit I deserve!!! It's been so long since someone sited me as the bizarre nick namer that I am. Let us not forget Landy, The Weblo, Merna, Verdelle, and Umbopo Lord of the Dogs all of which I have never been given credit for. THIS is a beautiful day!!!!!!!!!!!!

Skye said...

That is TOO FUNNY! I'm almost tempted to do that.

Funny pet names rule. I had a fish once named "peeve." He was my pet, peeve, but since he was a fish you couldn't really pet peeve. get it? get it? Anyway. He died, as fish do.

I have always wanted to name a dog "woman" so that you can say "Come here, Woman!" or "Woman, fetch my slippers!" etc. But it's just not funny cuz I'M a woman. Needs to be a man's name for a dog, you know? Then I can act offended and stuff (but really I'd think it was SOOOO funny. I think I stole this idea from someone too, who had a dog named Woman. But I forget who it was now).

lovestrong said...

bwa ha ha ha! It is just plain funny. I must say I always wanted to name a pet by the name of the animal. So a dog's name would be "dog" or a cat would be "cat." "dog! get in here!" It always struck me as amusing.

Tamara said...

Now I want Alie to give me a nickname...

Hey, It's Ansley said...

I know Alie! I miss Alie! I was tempted to go to the Market St Branch just to see Alie for a few short minutes each week! I want Alie to come out of hiding and comment more! And I want a design for my walls! Alie, look at all the exclamation points you required!

As far as pet names, I had 2 dogs while growing up, a mutt named Falcor, like the luck dragon in the Neverending Story, and a daschund named Myskyn, which was interesting since that was also the name of a bar in town.

Synergy said...

My friend's little four year old nephew named his dog 'Robot'. Now tell me that isn't the cutest name ever. My other friend has always wanted to name her dog Jason or Timothy.

paul said...

This is a shout out to my former neighbor A-lie (aka Gobby). You've made me laugh so hard it hurts; I miss those days. I miss you. thanks for your comment on my milk post. I knew you'd be proud.

You're a LIAR!

lumina said...

Emily Potter and I have the same problem, stealing each other's material. I guess it's the ultimate sign of friendship.

I miss you both, together, in the same room on the couch playing off of each other, with perfect timing. sigh...those were the days

Mike said...

would not liking dogs make this funnier or less funny?

"Everytime granpa comes into the room I throw my hands in the air."

"Granpa, stop trying to get me to touch you there!"

"No really, stop trying to get me to touch you- I don't want my hands to smell like that!"

yup, it's still full of hillarity.