Monday, October 30, 2006

Free Ticket to the Underground Subway

So remember how I plowed into a kid on a bike a while ago? I don't think I mentioned how I wept openly at the bike shop where we were getting his wheel fixed and my victim's mother put her arm around me and said "it's ok, we're all just learning." (which is not true...I've been driving since I was 17, how much more learning can I do???) and the bike shop guy, concerned no doubt for the glass countertop on which I was violently sniveling asked, "dude, do you need a tissue?" When I got back to work, my victim unexpectedly showed up and handed me a card which at first I mistook for my credit card...I thought maybe I had left it at the bikeshop. But upon closer inspection, it was a GIFT CARD to subway. A 20 dollar gift card. MY VICTIM gave ME, his would-be-killer, a present because I was so pathetic (although he said it was because I was so nice.... I know what it was really about.) That has to be a first.

So now, I go to subway every monday and order the same thing. I get a veggie delight on whole wheat (4 points), 2 triangles of american cheese (1 point) and a packet of light mayo (1 point) in honor of the $550 monday, my victim and his mom. This would seem to be a rather unremarkable event except that the subway that I frequent is an apparent CIRCUS. It's in the avenues under-ground and you can never get in an out in less than 20 minutes even when you hit it well past the lunch hour. The reason: Shakey, skater-dude and sharon. This is the cast of characters behind the sneeze-guard. These are the people that I trust not to contaminate my veggies and put the correct amount of sub-points on my card.

Shakey has turrets or something and she's sweet and sometimes smiley but REFUSES to acknowledge that I am a regular who orders the exact same thing every time I come in. We start out the same way every time. The vacant look, the shakey hands of unsure-ness as she asks me YET AGAIN what kind of bread and cheese. Then she proceeds to push my sandwich toward skater-dude forcing me to ask YET AGAIN if I can have it toasted. sigh. Skater dude picks up from here. He's got to be no older than 20 and its obvious that he is just doing this for new trucks on his board. He's cute though, so I kind of have a bit of a sick old lady crush on him... I flirt a little and tell him that I want everything on my sandwich and point to the gross assortment of pickled peppers and say "except those" while coquettishly wrinkling my nose. He always reacts appropriately to my flirting which makes the fact that he puts about 400 pounds of salt and pepper on the sandwich somehow OK.

Then there's sharon. She generally takes my money and smiles all business-like and calls me Hon. She's the manager or owner as far as I can tell and she is consistently trying to teach skater-dude and shakey how to use the computerized register to which skater-dude often replies belligerently, "Yeah, I didn't catch that." as he walks away from her. I would like to feel sorry for Sharon since I'm sure it's not easy to rally these particular troops, but I don't mostly because my friend Mark told me that she often gives him a free cookie just because he is scottish. I GET NO COOKIE and therefore have NO PITY for Sharon the stately manager of the underground subway.

And here is the truth. I keep going back to this particular subway even though the customer service is terrifically slow. I go for one reason and one reason only : They do not charge me for extra spinach (when it has not been quarantined due to e-coli outbreaks). So shakey, skater-dude and sharon are a small price to pay for the best veggie delight in the Salt Lake Valley. Check it out and tell me if I am not right.

4 comments:

slcup said...

OK, I'm retarded. Underground Subway? Where is it, pray tell. To be honest, I think all Subways have their own quirky staff. The Foothill location? No exception.

Freshcultureshock said...

ha. ha. ha

lumina said...

FUNNNAY!

she is consistently trying to teach skater-dude and shakey how to use the computerized register to which skater-dude often replies belligerently, "Yeah, I didn't catch that." as he walks away from her. I would like to feel sorry for Sharon since I'm sure it's not easy to rally these particular troops,

Sara McOllie said...

Like Lumina, loved the line register comments. I can totally see it happening at nearly every subway I have ever been in.

My best subway experience though was being being Russell Crowe and his now wife in line during lunch on 6th & Burnside.