I'm not kidding when I tell you that today was the most beautiful day. I spent the morning at the preserve for work and the weather was delicious, the skies were the bluest blue, the plumes of the reedgrass were perfectly floppy and every shade of purple and green-turning-golden/rust. I sat for a few minutes just meditating among the tall plants of the wetlands and heard sandhill cranes perfectly migrating with their perfectly trumpeting sound like frogs with weird polyps on their vocal chords. I thought about the moment and I realized that I was in love with it.
I'm testing out this new theory of mine that every day is perfectly abundant...that my life is at any given moment, complete as the Lord would have it. I do not lack for the things that I do not have, I do not need. When God says that he clothes the lilies of the field and that they neither spin nor toil, he's talking about me. If I do not have an eternal marriage relationship right now, it's because I do not need it right now. If I am a little disatisfied with my job, it's because I need the struggle that accompanies the "life decision making process". THis new brain wave doesn't necessarily make life easier, but it does put it into perspective and it means that I don't have to be angry at God for not giving me what I want. I like that idea. A lot.
I've been kind of angry lately. In college I had a punching nun and a punching monkey. I loved to watch their ineffectual little fists mechanically hit the air. It's funny to watch a nun punch things with balls for hands. What's not so funny is feeling like a punching monkey. I flipped a guy off the other day for honking at me as I pulled into traffic. I'm tired of taking offense. General conference was awesome and elder bednar's talk about letting go of offense was pure genius or inspiration or a little of both. (If you're like Lumina and Adam and you have to wait until this weekend to find out whether the world is ending tomorrow, I'm sorry to ruin it for you...it's not...but pay attention to President Hinckley and Elder Hollands talks. POWER in words)
One of my coworkers asked if conference weekend was a relaxing experience...oh YES PLEASE!!! I would choose to listen to Apostles and Prophets and feel that spirit of truth, power and goodness every day if only I could force them to hang out in the conference center day in and day out for my own purposes. I am renewed and it seems that I am ready to open myself up to really living the whole PERFECT ABUNDANCE concept...at least this week.
Alie was concerned that I've been a little too open in my blog about my current malaise and thought that if all you did was read this, you might think I was a rejected, despondent depressive. In truth, some days I am...but you know what? My soul is anchored in hope. I am not bitter. I am not bitter. I am not bitter. I have black cherry vanilla diet coke, friends who invite me to can homemade apple sauce with them and an open mind, heart and soul. What more can a girl ask for????