My freaking pants don't fit. As I sit here, the week after Thanksgiving, attempting to work though my lungs are constricted by the lack of spandex in these jeans, I am dreaming of a new "casual workday" concept called "Fat Pants Friday". Since I work for a place where every day is casual day, I feel that the next step in helping a person like me really unwind is to allow me to wear my fat pants to work. I can see it now...Sauntering into work wearing the big navy blue sweatpants with PENN written down the side that expand comfortably due to a drawstring waist. The benefits are numerous:
1. when I have to go to the bathroom 40 times a day because I'm drinking more water than a dehydrated camel, I can swiftly remove the fat pants all the way to my ankles, thus reducing the chance of peeing my pants or acquiring a bladder infection from holding it while I undo a belt or buckle or what have you.
2. I will no longer have to wear disgusting maternity shirts to hide the unsightly suggestion of camel toes caused by pants that don't REALLY fit after lunch. This one is a toss up: Utilitarian fat pants vs. ugly maternity shirt and camel toe. I think we can see who the clear winner is...
3. I can eat more than soup for lunch.
4. I will not complain and stop working to write a blog about how my pants do or do not fit. Increased productivity. Less Whining. FAT PANTS WIN AGAIN!!!!
Girls, I know you hear me.