Thursday, July 17, 2008

What Demi Secretely Misses About Bruce

This blog is called NORMAL GIRLS for a reason and today I'd like to take it back to its uncensored roots wherein I talk about boys. Men. no...boys.

Last week, I tried something new. I went out on a date with someone much younger than me. 7 years younger to be exact. I thought this would be an interesting experiment for several reasons, but mostly I just wanted to hear my father call me a "cougar" (blech.blech. Seriously, Dad.)

All week long before and after the date, I processed the pros and cons of the younger man. The pros: young enough to not have gotten STUCK in freaky weird, still has all his hair, sexual peaks might actually be aligned, no heavy past stuff (divorce, children living in another state) or at least is blissfully unaware of that, none of that ugly "get married" pressure, sees the value of my life experience as COOL rather than intimidating (because he still sees the possibility of life...the dye has not been caste). All of this in addition to the fact that he actually ASKED ME OUT like, on a proper date, yo! That was pretty cool and definitely in the pro category. But in the end, the cons started to creep in in a big way...

I've always been older than myself. When I was 14, my piano teacher hired me to work for her consulting firm as a receptionist. When I told her I needed special permission from the government to work for her on account of my age, she responded with, "What? How old are you? We thought you were 17!" I spent that year selling commercial stoves to rich people who never knew that they were talking to someone not even old enough to have a learner's permit. Add to that the years of relationships in which I have stifled my thoughts and ideas in order to make a guy like me (DUH!) and my recent rennaisance as an uber communicator and you've got a recipe for a 23 year old freak out.

All I did was say what we were both thinking (this isn't going to work, but lets be friends!) in what I thought was a charming NB sort of way, but the result was 7th grade. The cute boy that I had a crush on figured out that I was stalking his locker and changed his class route. And I'm left feeling like the oldest jr. high drama geek you've ever avoided...er...I mean met. Oh well. ce'st la vie. At least the life of a would be cougar. Thus we see that the pros of the older man (which include but are not limited to: life experience, a sense of purpose/self, lots of dealings with weird, overbearing, psychotic ex-wives/girlfriends that make me look like a dream girl, knows who Milli Vanilli is when singing karaoke and doesn't think Blondie is a new "70's/80's revival" Band.)

I think the choice has been made for me. So if you are over the age of 28 and can tell me who sings the song that goes "pour some sugar on me, in the name of love...pour some sugar on me!" because you once owned the album...(though you're obviously embarrassed to admit it now)...let's talk.

8 comments:

Pinky Lovejoy said...

That's so funny - I'm actually dating a 28 year old right now and I have the same things go through my head. I'm almost positive it has zero percent chance of being anything more than a fling (but in the meantime it's kind of fun!). :)

leviinalaska said...

(wishes he had 80's glam metal hair instead of a shaved head as he sing) "Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp...Demolition woman, can I be your man?"

Hey, It's Ansley said...

This is such a difficult one. So many guys my age seem to have lost the "spark" that the younger ones still have. I think you called it seeing the possibility of life. I never want to lose that and am so drawn to someone else with it. But then I do want someone who knows all the same cultural stuff, and yes, I am including Def Leppard as cultural stuff (more in the stuff category) Good luck, we all need it!

Hey, It's Ansley said...

And now, thanks to reading this post, my sponsored links on gmail included one about finding cougar bars on dateacougar.com

Ninny Beth said...

oops...sorry ansley, but WHATTHE??? bars devoted to cougars?

Marie said...

Rawrrrr, you cougar! I've always been prejudiced against younger men (unless they're prematurely gray or have some other quality that would add to their I-want-to-be-your-lover-not-your-child cred), but it would be flattering to be pursued by one all the same. But you're hot, so no real surprise. And good for him for asking you out on a real date. They are scarce 'round these parts.

marshall p said...

boys are dumb.

D'Arcy said...

yep, been there done that this summer. Phew!!! It's so UNTAINTED love that I couldn't resist! But in the end, it was a little junior high school musical (which he did know), it was rough. However, still a bit of turn on, what can I say...that whole 30-22 make out fun is a bit exciting, except when I realize that he could have (age wise) been one of my students when I taught high school at 24. However, 30-34 make out fun is much nicer, even if it can't last as long. I've decided to stick with that for the time being. Boys have a hard enough time growing up for me to add anymore problems to the mix!