Friday, December 16, 2005

and Ninny wept

here is what I feel like today...LA LA LA!!!!!! Painfully happy-go-lucky. I think it's because I have been spending time doing things and being with people who spiritually uplift me.

Last Saturday I went to the Dandy Warhols show with some friends...we concert danced, we were concert fondled (you know how you have to stand so close to everyone that you can't help but get some accidental concert action?), we even almost got in a concert fight. THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN YEARS.

The next morning on Sunday, Crystal and I went to the Conference Center to listen to the taping of music and the spoken word with Renee Fleming and MoTab. I cried. It was so beautiful and uplifting and didn't involve ANY inappropriate bodily rubbing. I was reminded that the larger part of my soul really is LESS ROCKSTAR more MORMON. I needed that reminder yet again.

Wednesday night I saw the Sabastio Salgado photography exhibit at the Leonardo. Between giggling about the naked boobies of the indigenous people and recoiling in horror as we attempted to go against the counter clockwise museum culture current (note to self: There is nothing funny about refugees. I repeat. Nothing funny about refugees.) it might have been hard to get the full gist of the photographs. BUT, I was touched, especially by the final part of the exhibit...40 portraits of the children of refugees. Old eyes staring out from these little bodies. Eyes that have seen more in their brief lifetime than I will ever see and somehow, they still laugh and play and choose to be children. I cried. I wondered at my own ability to choose life, to choose hope and to help others choose the same fate. I was reminded of the peace that life takes and the peace that God gives. I want to be peace.

Thursday, I got a beautiful email from Lumina (her blog: and was reminded that I am an idealist and the I like being an idealist. I cried at my computer screen right there at work.

Then I saw the movie, "The Chronicles of Narnia". And guess what???? I cried. The world can be so gray, so smokey and so full of doubt. But there is no small portion of excitement and beauty. I'm tapping into the doubt occassionally so that I can exist in the beauty without reservation. And there is hope. LALALLALALALLAAAAAAA!!!!


Adam said...

Today I'm bored. I have no work to do because it's not 20 minutes before I leave for home. That's probably why I've already blogged and am now posting on yours. But enough of me, back to your post.

Isn't there just something therapeutic about weeping? There's a part of you that has to come out, and tears are sometimes the only way it will happen. I don't cry often, because I'm a burly tough man and haven't cried since I was 4, but even though the crying fixes nothing, I feel better afterward.

Hey, It's Ansley said...

So two things
1) if you want to cry more, read The Kite Runner, I just read it over the last two days and I'm still a bit teary-eyed. It goes nicely with the pictures of the refugee children you just described.
2) in response to tapping into the doubt to exist in beauty, I'm sure I've shared this with your before because it's one of my favorite quotes. "I must be willingly fallible in order to deserve a place in the realm where miracles happen."
- William Stafford, and Oregon poet.

Kirsten J said...

First of all, Adam cried? Ever?

Second, you should read my weirdness on my blog (not to blogvertise on yours, sorry). On the list of 50 things about me I explain that sometimes I need to cry (no reason, I am just due for it occasionally, like an oil change or weave). But I can't cry. So I think about a specific example of animal cruelty I hear about, and it gets me to cry. At that time, I can cry about everything right then and there. I think crying must let out endorphins.

kaarina said...

it does!

ninny, i was there! at the music & the spoken word! and yes, it was amazing. i wish we would have randomly ran into each other!

AND, i totally have been wanting to see salgado's "exodus"! ohhh.... maybe now i will work harder at convincing myself i'm not THAT poor.

i love your blog!

Sara McOllie said...

On Tuesday I had a big ugly cry (not the good cry that feels therapeutic as you cry) but the kind where your whole body is involved and it hurts. However, when I was done, I did feel better. Not sure if it was the endorphins or the full night sleep my cold/flue ravaged body so desperately needed.

2nd Ansley's suggestion on the Kite Runner. Also, A Million Little Pieces is a good cry inducing book.

Anonymous said...

Niny stop weeping and post another, this is the sonnet to mary coke boy :)