Thursday, January 15, 2009
On Being a Jerk
One of the hazards of being me is a complete and utterly annoying self awareness. A sharp, pokey, overbearing self awareness. SO much so that I am perfectly aware when I spiral into jerkdom. Like watching a movie reel in slow motion...screaming to myself to cease and desist with any and all jerkish behavior only to realize that the other me (the one being a jerk) is deaf or dumb or both. It doesn't work. Especially when computers and poor communication abound. I can only feel like a crappy person after the fact because I am aware that I am not my highest self. I can apologize (which I do). I can ask for what I need in positive ways (which I try to do). I can cry in the bathroom stall at work (which I do). I can pray for a little more self control (which I do).
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3 comments:
Now, now ninny beth you're not a jerk. Just because you cussed out your best friend several years ago for asking you to take an Advil doesn't mean you should be holding on to it any more. Everyone is a jerk, really...
You forgot, "And I can blame hormones". Which I always do.
I embrace and nurture the jerk inside of me. Then I let everyone around me know that I'm a jerk. Reinforce this by telling them that you really don't care for them much, and you will never again have to ask for forgiveness.
Also, it's fun to be grumpy.
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