Ahhhh...the Smiths. I've always known that Morrissey was meant to be my soul mate. "The More you ignore me, the closer I get..." I think he's lived my life or at least had a bad dream one time about it. Sometimes, I imagine that Morrissey has written a song specifically for me....loveable losers who stalk people and have to sign up on internet dating sites to meet men...yep, it sounds vaguely morrissey-esque.
It's true. I'm back on-line. I took a little internet-love hiatus after a serious run-in with a deranged donald duck impersonator...but it's time to get back on the wagon. This time, I've decided to put all my cards on the table. I changed my profile to say that I am not a naturally thin girl but that I value strength and health and am working hard to acheive that goal...I think that's pretty honest. I also hope to avoid the anxiety of meeting someone for the first time by being painfully truthful. Not in a self-depricating way (although, if I'm being painfully honest, that is a problem of mine) but I think there is deep merit in telling it like it is.
Here is a sample IM conversation with my next internet boyfriend if I have my way:
DB (dream boy): Your picture is cute.
NB (NinnyBeth): Thank you. My thighs are genetically predisposed to cellulite.
DB: I love cellulite.
NB: I will call you 5 times a day and demand your attention, although it will be done in a completely endearing, non-scary way.
DB: I have unlimited cell phone minutes and never screen my calls.
NB: You should screen your calls.
DB: I like to be surprised.
NB: My family is moderately crazy but very close and supportive.
DB: I have no family of my own as I was raised by trained artistic wolves who were put to sleep after a particularly bad gallery show. I will learn the ways of your people and we will be as one.
NB: I like to have parties and will probably ignore you while I make the rounds, handing out cream puffs on toothpicks and flirting with party guests.
DB: Marry Me.
If the internet fails to yield this exchange, I am finding morrissey in his adorable cardigan and converting him to Mormonism (and overt heterosexuality for that matter). Then we may be hated for loving, but we will be happy together.