Jet Lag and Unmetered Consumerism don't mix.

ho.
ho.
hi.
I've been in the US for about 6 days now. I'm happily consuming, sleeping, consuming and sleeping. Here's a quantitative list of accomplishments since christmas day when I arrived:
$50 at Trader Joes
3+ hours of Television including 2 episodes of what not to wear and 4 episodes of silver spoons
4 pairs of Shoes
1 bag of baked cheetos consumed
1 bag of baked cheetos stowed for return to Korea
3 hours in Target clearance sale shopping.
3 movie theaters
2 trips Red Robin and 400 steak fries in my belly.
2 malls conquered
12 cherry diet cokes
6 lime diet cokes (PS. black cherry vanilla diet coke has ceased to exist in the 10 short months I've been gone. why?)
400 bubble gum bubbles
6 old navy undershirts
1 morning at the temple
10 crest whitestrips applied
2 hours of driving in a car with music
1 niece
1 nephew
2 fights with family that involved tears
3 best friends visited and loved
unmeasurable amounts of english english everywhere!

contented sigh. life is easy good when it's vacation in americation. I'm tired all the time because it's never the right bedtime. I'm a little bit afraid of how hard it might be to get on the plane next saturday. I never realized before how much I've stopped listening...when everything is in a foreign language you get pretty used to following non-verbal clues...so it's strange to be dumped back into a place where verbal clues matter. I stole a very cute boy's french fries at the airport because I wasn't listening to the number. I didn't remember to pick up my change from a $20 because the tab was $10 and we don't have anything higher than a 10 in Korea. I'm surprised at how much money tipping at a restaurant takes and how expensive popcorn is at the theaters here. I'm surprised at how little I care about eating "American" food. It's strange to be back where I am nothing special just because I have blond hair. I'm also a little surprised to remember how good it feels to be with my family, embroiled in their lives and part of the silliness that is us. A wonderfully surprising way to ring in 2008.

Stories I will tell my grandchildren

Once I lived in Seoul, Korea and I knew some girls named Grace and Lumina and we danced and posed and tried to contain our awesomeness but honestly it couldn't be contained...we were awesome. Once, I had to work on Thanksgiving Day (most americans living in Korea just let it slip by unnoticed) and I was really sad that no one recognized what a special holiday it was to me...so we ordered a complete turkey dinner from the army base and invited a bunch of americans and one australian to feast together at Heather's House. It was one of the best thanksgivings I've ever had.

Once I learned the Tango, Cha Cha and Samba from a Korean model named Bruce Lee. Every saturday, after dance lessons, me and my gang, the "Do You Happy Club" went to eat moksal which means literally pig neck. We wrapped the spicy meat in kaenip(sesame leaves) with more peppers, kimchi and korean greens and shoved them in our mouths tirelessly as we laughed and learned languages and fell in love with korea and each other. We dined and dined until we were sick and happy and couldn't help but dance the cha cha in the street.

One fall, in Korea, I listened to a beautiful Chopin recital given by the mother of one of my students. After the music filled me with notes and poetry, we wandered in the crisp fall air and I discovered the most beautiful part of Korea: bare branches hung heavy with ripe fire globes of persimmon fruit against perfectly blue skies. With friends, this moment became a definining one.

Once, I taught a classroom of 6,5 and 4 year olds all about music and songwriting. We wrote a song and made guitars and kazoos from household items and then played them so loudly that the people who worked in the businesses next to us shut their doors until we were finished. I loved noise then.

Once I was a Korean Migrant farmer.

Once I lived in a place that didn't have 24 hour breakfast but luck struck on a friday night when we discovered Butterfinger Pancakes...Real eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes and orange juice never tasted so good! We ate and ate and ate and thought we might order more just to keep us there until the restaurant closed at the old hour of 3am. We didn't, but I did lick the syrup from the plate. The End.

Wanna see something cool?

Here I am just thinking about doing something cool on the church floor. That something cool might be breakdancing. I think about that a lot.

Here I am attempting to execute the something cool that I was thinking about in the previous picture. Notice the way my cool breakdancing looks strikingly similar to falling down.

And here I am receiving help from someone because evidently doing something cool is not in the cards for me.
Luckily, everyone else that I hang out with at church here in korea is wayyyyy cooler than me. This is our group from singles conference nov2007. love love love love love.

Ethical Dilemmas and TreeTop Trouble

There are a million things that I love about Koreans and Korea. The men, the passion, the food, the konglish, the simplicity of the language, the hanbok, the family, the traditions...to name a few. But there are some parts of the culture that I cannot navigate and a few things that I downright hate (besides the leggy shrimp): The vagueness, the indirectness, the saving face. These things are nearly impossible for a cornfed westerner such as myself to grasp and though I understand them to be inextricably connected to the things I love, I find myself at a bit of a cultural crossroad.

I'm staying for another year and a career opportunity has presented itself in the form of a promotion. But the promotion means that I would have to somehow learn how to tread emotionally lightly in true korean fashion...never really saying what I think, bowing down to superiors even when I think they are wrong, saying yes when I really mean no and then just NOT doing the thing I said yes too in order to "save face". It's better to say yes and not do it or make an excuse than to say, "I am unable to accomplish the task you have requested of me." This is NOT true to my character. The reason they want me for the position is because I am a communicator. But I contend that my communication skills are only as effective as the system in which they are permitted to function. I'm interested in challenges but not if it means losing a valuable part of my integrity or what I perceive as my integrity. Any thoughts?

In other news, I've found a new coping mechanism now that my guitar is a bit on the fritz. It's call TreeTop Trouble and just TRY to tell me this isn't addictive... I can't get to level 4 and my students are buzzing up to 20. This is unacceptable. I will simply need to devote more time to competitive chihuahua jumping. If indeed that little animal is a chihuahua.

Zipper's Treetop Trouble

And this is why I love teaching

that's right. faggy mom.

Tragedy Strikes at 9:54pm

not 5 minutes ago, while restringing my guitar in preparation for the roadtest of my delicious new whiskey-soaked-rock-star-approved-post-illness voice, one of my guitar pegs broke off IN the guitar rendering me helpless and unable. I am shocked. I am bereft. I am wondering what the word is for superglue in korean.

Wait...a....minute!!!! unless this is a sign from God that it's OKAY! to spend some real money on a nice NEWWWWWWW guitar? A better guitar??? A guitar that is worthy of my new whiskey-soaked-rock-star-approved-post-illness voice??? If this IS some sort of christmas miracle, then maybe I should promise to only play Jars of Clay and Michael W. Smith songs on the new guitar...

Who am I kidding. I will not get a new guitar and I will not ever play jars of clay. So the deal is OFF. sigh. anyone know a good luthier in Seoul?

Thanksgiving Eve 2007

Well technically, it's not really thanksgiving eve in the western world yet, more like thanksgiving eve early morning... but here at my computer in Seoul, Korea it's as good as here.

I taught some of my students about Thanksgiving today. They weren't nearly as excited about it as they should have been, issuing sigh of boredom during the youtube video of the macy's parade and twitching around as though visably tortured during my impassioned speech about the virtues of cranberry sauce. What they did handle well was the giving thanks "game" that I invented out of sheer desperation. We went into the gym and I threw a ball at them. If they caught it, they had to say one thing they were grateful for. It came out sounding a little bit like a prayer... if we said most of our prayers after someone heaves a huge exercise ball at your head. C was grateful that he had many friends, and many many toys and candy and a big house. J was grateful for his good dad and food to eat. And me...what was I grateful for?

Here's a partial list:

I am grateful to be a teacher (to which C said, "that's not a good thing, teacher. Being a teacher is not grateful" hrmmmph. ) It's not constant, but most days I feel this pang of realization. What I mean is just that I am realized to some degree because I am able to be around children all day. I really am meant to love them.

(side story) the other day someone (I think Lumina) asked Evan, all of 5 years old if he was happy. He looked at her sideways and answered her question with another question. "Is it Halloween? Is it Christmas? It is not Halloween, so I am not happy." There.

I am grateful that tonight I will go to bed ON TIME. that means 10:30. and it will happen.

I am grateful for my calling as the District Single Member Rep. Sometimes it can feel a little strange to be defined by the title of your calling...to step into a ward you are visiting and have every "don't worry you'll get married" comment in RS addressed directly at you because you have had to introduce yourself as single. BUT, it's really expanding my horizons and giving me opportunities to work and serve that I've never had before. I am experiencing miracles and hoping for them more and more. That feels nice.

I am grateful for a warm place to sleep even if it is on a mattress made of granite. (do you notice a sleep theme here?)

I'm grateful that I can fly home for christmas to see my best friends and my family.

I'm grateful for the military base that does "thanksgiving to order" at the commissary and for military friends who bring the turkey to us. The fact that I will be consumming honest to goodness grocery store turkey and stuffing in less than 24 hours in Asia is a small but true gift.

I am grateful for costco.

I am grateful for my health. And that my fingers and toes tell me when a low pressure system is moving in...it's kind of like esp and that's cool.

And finally, I'm grateful to be living in Korea. I really mean it this time. I'm happy. I was watching some american television commercials about christmas and it made my stomach a little queasy because I am so out of touch with American Pop culture these days. I don't know what anything is anymore. I don't know who the new celebrity babies are. I don't know what Britney's been doing with her kids. I don't know what the new movies are. But it's good. It means that I'm here now. I'll go home to america as a visitor and I'll be happy to come back to my HOME in korea. WOW. Home. I'm connected to something about Asia...there are people here that I love, people who live here and will always be here in Asia. I guess I could say that I'm grateful to love korea because I never thought it would happen for me. Hangkuk e Saranghaeyo.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve friends near and far! May the Holidays see you happy where you are and may our paths cross in significant ways SOON!

Things I should tell someone...

1. I'm busy. Like, break-neck speed, working on the bus, constantly distracted busy. I feel like I'm back in college busy. Deadline busy. Work busy. Social busy. We're doing plays in each of the classes at school. I'm writing workbooks for a publishing company. I'm planning a Single Member Conference for church (this weekend!) and and and and, I'm not keeping in very good touch with family and friends. Forgive me.

2. I'm coming along slowly in my acquisition of the Korean language. 제가 한국말어를 매일 공부해요. I've attached proof that some sort of studying is happening in the photo to the left. I'm not a good student and I don't have a formal teacher so most of my learning is happening independently and with friends via text messaging. But for all my slowness, I am learning the important stuff...including a plethora of swear words thanks to my friend chansoo who has proclaimed himself my swear teacher. Don't act like you wouldn't do it too.

3. Inspired by championship latin dancers at the halloween party, I (the same girl who was once told to "stand behind that pole and just pretend to tap dance") have started to take ballroom dance lessons. May I remind you that I am neither Latin nor a champion. And yet, every saturday I go to the Mu dance studio and pay MONEY to shuffle around looking like a confused lady in a step aerobics class instead of a sleek tango machine. It's okay though. My teacher (who goes by the english name of Bruce Lee, by the way) told our group this to help our self-esteem- "You are not the dreamteam. But you are not bad." Thank you Bruce Lee. I feel much better about the 2 hours I spend in front of a wall of mirrors reflecting back my failure.


4. Finally, you should know that I've sold my soul to a secret society simply known as the "Do You Happy Club". As on friend translated it, the official document reads "My body is now belong to the club". I signed it and now I'm learning more about what it is that I've done:

• Activities include: eating moksal, eating bbq'd shellfish, eating gray slabs of bean curd, drinking soju (or soda for the mormons among us), singing korean songs badly at noraebang, Staying out far too late (at least until ocha), teaching and then yelling out funny phrases in whatever language you choose and peer-pressuring completely upstanding citizens to join rank.
• My body is truly belong to the club now. And evidently the test of true bravery will be to put my feet in the Cheonggyecheon River... a river that smells like rotten fish and last week's sewage.
• To aid me in this test of bravery, I should be very drunk. But since I do not drink anything stronger than cider (korean version of 7up), I will have to face the task wide eyed and and wide nostriled.
• You are always at the mercy of the Pimp Chief of the club. Currently that position is held by Chansoo, although he does not really know what pimp means and sometimes gets cheif and cheap mixed up. He is self-proclaimed so I'm confident that an inner-club coup could occur.

That's it. I'm busy, but happy and getting ready to make a trip home at christmas! More about the holiday's in Korea next post.

There's Something About William

I just needed you to know that this child exists in the world. His name is william. I contend that he is the korean equivalent of Jonathan Lipnicki pre- tweeness. I rediscovered this picture and realized that I had never made him the star of my blog that he was meant to be. This is dedicated to d'anniel and d'arcy.

This is how we do it in Korea

Just in case you were worried that I wouldn't get my halloween on, here is a little tease... I relinquished my crown as the queen of the suburbs (pregant prom queen, internet girlfriend, housewife on valium) because I didn't think Korea would get the joke and instead opted for a costume concept that went something like "Here's what I have in my closet". A pirate queen. Thanks to my mom for finding a puffy sleeved daisy fuentes shirt at Kohl's and liz for handing over the striped banana republic shirt in the name of better fashion. Still, my entire closet of stripes and puffs and 8 earrings somehow did not add up to a successful costume since everyone kept asking what I was supposed to be. Fine. I'm a daisy fuentes accolite in rural iowa. ??

Lumina took some really fabulous pictures from our party at the Mu Dance Studio and since I refuse to buy a new camera and thus make everyone share their pictures with me, I won't spoil the fun by stealing her pictures to put on my humble blog. Go to Lumina's blog to check out her artistry.

Can I just say that having photographers and artists and actors and musicians for friends makes life so fulfilling?

This week alone, I have sung with pansori singers, done a little jazz jam, watched an improv comedy show and a latin dance demonstration and seen beautiful art that would make your head swim. I feel really fortunate to have such wonderful friends...all over the globe. WOO HOO!!!!

I have me a real live crush

One day, I woke up and suddenly found Korean men irresistable...and now I ask you....how can you resist a man who sends you text messages like this after he held your hand all night in the cold?

"darling, im at home-goodnight-! thanks to save my hand-."

My Life is the Pictures

THIS VIEW MAKES ME WANT TO FLY

HONG KONG IS A LIGHT SHOW

DIM SUM IS DELICIOUS

I AM ALWAYS MAKING A WEIRD FACETHE TEMPLE IS GOD"S HOUSE IN EVERY COUNTRY AND SAR

ART IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT

PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT FRIENDS ARE AMAZING

LOVE HURTS

BIRTHDAY PARTIES ROCK

It's a Wednesday alright

Nothing very exciting to report except that one of my everyday students is leaving to move to Texas. This is the kid that threw out the F-bomb nonchalantly the other day to explain swear words in Korean. This is also the kid who winks at you when you're mad at him. I'm sad he's leaving but I'm happy to report that I'm not wishing I was going with him. I'm doing ok in Seoul these days. This is a good thing because I think I will stay a second year for sure. I got a haircut and until yesterday when I saw this picture, I thought I hated it. I even begged my stylist to CUT IT OFF!!! and he politely but knowingly said, "Not today." I'm not sure if he said that because he was saving me from myself or because he had already spent 2 hours on it and didn't want to do any more that day. Who cares. I'm glad he refused. The long hair stays even if M goes :( (he's the little guy on Lumina's lap)

Sesame Street Pinball Cartoon

I've laways wanted to sample this song in a hip hop song if ever I was to sample anything. Ahhh childhood.

Hong Kong Break Down

1. I can't upload photos at this time. I guess blogger agrees that my photography skills just can't capture the glory of Hong Kong.

2. Getting on the Plane: So we bought our e-tickets from the Korean travel agency downstairs. They speak marginal english. We well below marginal korean. But somehow we acquired a piece of paper that said dates and flights to hong kong. So we went to the airport, giddy with anticipation and lightly packed suitcases ready for all the swag they would contain upon our return. Here's what went down:

Lumina and KaRyn: Hello! Here are our passports. We are here at your fine airport ready to go to Hong Kong.
Korean Airlines Lady (KAL): Do you have your itinerary please?
L&K: Oh no. We left them at home accidently, but it's ok because it is an E-ticket. You know, E-ticket?
KAL: You are not in our system. Do you have a confirmation number?
L&K: It's an E-ticket. No. It must be on the paper at home. Just a moment while we call our friend Jill who will most certainly run home from whatever she is doing to look at our confirmation number. Did we mention that it was an E-ticket?
(JILL via phone): hmmmm it appears that there is nothing even remotely resembling a confirmation number on this scrap of paper that is neither a receipt for monies paid or a true itinerary.
L (starting to suspect something is not right at the Incheon Airport): KaRyn, did you get a charge on your credit card for the tickets?
K (panic starting to settle in) : oh, um. uh. uh. noooooooooo! It's an E-ticket.........um, did you?
KAL: Hello? can you please step out of line and go home and tell all of your friends that you forgot to go back downstairs to the travel agency to confirm the tickets and pay for them while we let other people who actually BOUGHT tickets go to Hong Kong? Thank You.

And so began the maddening process of attempting to purchase standby tickets at astronomical prices AT THE AIRPORT. Note to self: next time, do not rely on the glamorous ruse that is the e-ticket and try PAYING for your tickets before you try to travel internationally. Just a thought.

3. Dim Sum
It's all I ever wanted. Alie used to talk about starting a restaurant called "little bits" which would only serve a little bit of everything. Then we realized there was already something liek that and it was called COSTCO. But we were wrong. Long before costco was dim sum...little bits of deliciousness in bamboo baskets served for brunch or lunch in China. yum yum.

4.The Lights of Hong Kong
Hong Kong is known for its ecclectic and overwhelming architecture and at 8pm each night, the buildings in the central district light up and shoot flaming lasers across the harbor to Kowloon where Lumina and I took a break from shopping long enough to see it go down. Beautiful. Like a laser show on crack and without pink floyd's The Wall. As soon as I can, I will upload a photo.

5. Shopping
H and M. H & M. aych and em. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 4 pairs of shoes, 6 sweaters, one dress, one bag, one coat and that was all in one day. Dreamy.

more to come....

WAKE UP!

My bed is by the window. I woke up this morning to a Korean man yelling into his cell phone under said window. I went back to sleep because it is a holiday and I didn't have to get up early. Awaking again, I notice what appeared to be a rope hanging outside and I realized that all the yelling was because there was a man hanging on a rope right above my bed...watching me sleep as he cleaned the window. Thank goodness I was wearing clothes.

HONG KONG!!!

Why do I look distressed?????? more to come.....

THAT LADY MADE ME MAD!!!!

Sometimes white people in Korea make small children cry. This morning Lumina said hi to a little boy who was too cute to pass up and he started to run away screaming. His fear was only exacerbated when he fell in his haste to get away from the scary blue eyed lady

It reminded me of a time on my mission when I tried my usual "don't smile" reverse psychology trick with disasterous result. Just so you know, this trick almost always leaves ay normal grouchy 3 year old giggling...they love to be told NOT to do something as loveable as smiling...and they get the humor in it. I love it. This one particular time, I did it to a little girl that I had just met in West Virginia and the freaky child ran screaming and crying from the room. When the investigator mom went to find out what happened, we could hear the little girl screaming, "THAT LADY MADE ME MAD!!!!" oops. We never really taught them again.

That one abberation to a fail proof trick has come full circle here in Korea where all I have to do is look at a kid and they burst into tears. Honestly I"m probably the first caucasian they've ever seen. Ok. I get it. I'm scary. Funny.

Why am I all nervous?

I'm singing tonight at a gallery show opening. I haven't sung in public since I've been here and my mini open mic at my birthday party doesn't really count because those are my friends and they are forced to appreciate the roughness of my unpolished performance. This is different. I'm singing jazz with a bassist and guitarist and there will be real people there. I haven't practiced the songs with the musicians I'll be playing with and I've had a headache all day.

My friend Angie recently took some Ambien to help her sleep and evidently called 6 people in the middle of the night in a drug induced stupor and sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to their voicemail. I don't know if I can get some ambien here, but that doesn't sound like a bad idea. At least I wouldn't have to REALLY remember it all the next day (and I would feel refreshed and relaxed in the morning!) Somehow I don't think the claritin that I've taken today will produce the desired brain melt. sigh. I hope I don't throw up.

The Truth About the Breakup

Ever since I dumped diet coke, I've realized that there's more to say about our relationship. I want you to know that I'm suffering. I'm sitting at my desk at 2:45 pm getting ready to face a class of three overactive boys who don't listen and are, as we speak, cultivating a list of american swear words and obscene hand gestures with which to shock me. And more than anything I want to run downstairs to the ministop and hand over 1,300 won to the man behind the counter and walk out with brown liquid happiness.



Here's what diet coke does, (strike that, USED to DO) for me.

-Gave me something to look forward to in my day. Because sometimes wrangling kids or wetlands (ala TNC) just doesn't do it for you.
-Made my throat and body all tingly, like having a crush everyday but without the stress of whether he likes me or not.
-engendered creativity. What do you do when the coke is warm and there's no ice in the freezer? Why, fashion a harness and hang it outside your office window of course. Necessity is the mother of invention.
-created opportunities to flirt. The GS Mart boy is adorable when he tries to speak English. Except for the one time he used his English to tell me that my hair looked funny. That was not so adorable. Otherwise, it's worth 1300 and a caffeine buzz to shyly smile at one another.
-Kept me awake enough to blog.
-satiated my craving for something sweet while providing me with zero caloric intake. Although, now that I think about it, I think I consumed MORE chocolate when I was doing the coke. hmmmm....
-helped me to collect enough bottles to make maracas with 48 kindergarteners. That's just sad.

I'm still a diet coke drinker but I've curtailed it to once a week. We'll see how long this lasts.

Jimmy Cracked Corn...

Everything is different.

Adam has a girlfriend. Brett has a wife. AND I FEEL NOTHING! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOO! Truly, honestly, beautifully, I'm free. Congratulations to these dear amazing men. And congratulations to MEMMMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEEE!

Movin' on Up to the east side...of the building

Just in case you were worried that life in Korea was getting a bit predictable, boring, blah blah...well here's some good news:

1. Seasons change- Welcome Fall, the most perfect, beautifully ambling seasonal change I can remember. Winter is creeping in one degree at a time and brewing up some truly amazing weather.

2. Cubicles change- I moved this past saturday into the larger of the two "officetels" that my school has in the building. This one is approximately twice the size of my old dorm room and now takes 10 steps to get to the bathroom instead of 2. There is even enough room for a proper "sitting area" and my chair count is now up to 4 plus a tiny uncomfortable loveseat. This is very exciting news (especially for the 5 people who came over to watch Flight of the Conchords at my old place. Sorry about that.) Let's just have another gratuitous shot of the luxurious space of my new apartment. I tried to lounge in the luxuriousness, but quickly discovered the loveseat is not conducive to basking as it is korean sized.3. Friends change- The first of my real Korea friends went home making it clear to me that turnover is part of life in the ROK and I have to get used to it. It's the world of the one year contract...you know exactly when you're going to have goodbyes. I miss the world where people spring leaving on you as part of a life decision instead of something they've been planning for since the beginning. oh well. Fair thee well jjimjilbang boys.4. Temperaments change- Once upon a time, a scene like the one you are about to view made my skin crawl and turned me into the evil teacher from hell. Now I revel just a bit in the anarchy as I sit back and realize, hey, they're 4.Speaking of work, I've started doing some curriculum editing work. The publishing company associated with my school asked me to look at a program that uses cooking to teach english. I will admit that I've pretty much got this theater thing down, so I'm feeling ready to take on a new challenge. And I've been missing the work that I did at TNC...so this is really cool. And it pays more money. And the books will be published when they are finished. I'm starting to think that this sort of project management is what I would like to do for a career....but who knows. I feel really ambivalent about the possibilities for the future. THAT hasn't changed :)

5. God doesn't change, but callings do- As if He heard my whining about having two callings (nursery and music chair) and decided to just roll them all into one bigger and more complicated task, I was just called to be the Military District Singles Co-Chair. That's like a stake that covers the entire country of S. Korea, no joke.

The exciting part is that I will know TONs of people all over korea and get to travel a bit (chili's in pyeongteok, here I come!!!!). The less than exciting part is that I can't just bail out of activities when I'm feeling less than social. Meh. Oh yeah and the part where I have to organize stuff and go to meetings which are rumored to be at 6:30 am on the sabbath. So long, cute sunday hair and welcome roll- out -of- bed bun.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that no one ever asks the girl in charge out on dates. Clipboards and business emails are generally not very attractive to the other gender. Being a bratty side participant who makes off-handed smarmy comments during potluck "get to know you" rounds is much sexier. Sigh. Sigh. Loveboat julie at your service.